


Truth in a Lie

by KrisLetang



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: But are they really pretending?, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mutual Pining, Non-Consensual Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-22 07:15:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19662427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisLetang/pseuds/KrisLetang
Summary: At a conference, Olivia is forced to come up with a lie to protect herself. Rafael is roped into the situation, and they're forced to navigate the week long conference together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm hoping to post the epilogue to this sometime this week. Hope you guys enjoy and I'd love comments!

Rafael could feel his stomach rumbling as he stood at the front desk in the lobby of a less than luxurious hotel. He was more than ready for dinner after six hours of presentations at a conference he was attending. His head was pounding, and he was weighing his options for the night. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to bother going out for food or take his chances with room service, but it didn’t appear the NYPD or the DA’s office had sprung for the most reputable hotel. He was trying to get a new tv remote to replace the broken one, and they’d already had to switch his room once because the first one hadn’t been clean. He looked around the lobby, and he spotted Liv sitting at the hotel bar. He couldn’t help but smile. Somehow, she looked so gorgeous despite being exhausted herself. She had even given one of the presentations, and it was probably the only one that Rafael had listened to fully. She was distracting. He couldn’t tear her eyes from him if they were anywhere in the same vicinity. 

There was a man invading Liv’s personal space, and Rafael knew what she looked like when she was upset. Her body language screamed her discomfort. The man was very close, too close for Rafael’s liking, but Liv was a big girl. She didn’t need him to jump in like he was her knight in shining armor. She could care for herself, and she could certainly tell a man if she was or was not interested. He couldn’t justify to himself why he was still standing there, watching out for her until he saw the man’s face; his blood ran cold. He knew that face. 

Liv was trying to pull away from the man, trying to pull her arm from his grasp, and Rafael couldn’t just stand there anymore. He wasn’t sure what the hell he was going to do once he made it over to her, but he walked as quickly as he could. When he made it to Liv’s side, she glanced at him, pulling away from the man. “Hey,” Rafael said softly, trying to make sure she was calm. He needed to intervene in some way. “Ready to go? We had dinner plans,” he said, shooting a smirk in the other man’s direction. 

“Who the hell is this?” the man asked. Before Rafael could say anything, Liv beat him to the punch. 

“My fiancé,” she blurted, and it felt like Rafael’s heart skipped a beat. Her  _ what _ ? He swallowed heavily, wrapping his arm around her waist. 

“That’s right,” he agreed, clearing his throat. “Are you ready,  _ sweetheart _ ?” 

“I just need to change my clothes, Rafa,” Liv whispered. She wanted to get back up to her room. The man smiled tersely. 

“Alright, well, we better hurry before we miss our reservation,” Rafael said, and Liv got up, letting him take her hand as they walked to the elevator. 

“Thank you,” Liv whispered. He didn’t say anything. He could feel the man following them. He just squeezed her hand, pressing the button to close the elevator doors. Once they were alone, he finally breathed a sigh of relief. He had no idea what to say to Liv. He just wanted to pull her into his arms and assure himself she was alright. Instead, he put a hand on her arm. 

“Are you okay?” He asked softly. 

“I just got a bad vibe from that guy,” Liv said softly. 

“I’ve seen him before. He’s bad news,” Rafael said softly, feeling guilty. He was the reason that man was still on the streets. 

“I’m so sorry I dragged you into that,” Liv said, and he shook his head. 

“It’s alright,” he assured her. “I’m just glad you had an easy out.” 

“You don’t have to keep up the ruse,” Liv said. “I’ll just steer clear of him during the conference.” 

“He’s attending the conference?” Rafael asked. Liv nodded. 

“I think he’s here with the Bronx DA or something,” Liv said. 

“Liv, he’ll be watching,” Rafael said softly. “I know you can take care of yourself, but he’s a predator.” 

“You don’t have to do this, Rafa. You don’t have to pretend to be my fiancé,” Liv said softly. “I never should have said that.” 

“Nonsense,” Rafael said, hesitantly wrapping his arm around her just for a second. “It gives me an excuse to stick by your side.” She smiled at him. “I’ll be right next to the big shot star of the conference.” 

“Shut up,” Liv whispered, but she was smiling. 

“We’re gonna have to figure out our story,” Rafael said softly. “Dinner is on me if you really do want to go out.” 

“I’m so tired,” Liv said softly. 

“Room service then,” Rafael said. “Come over to my room. We can watch a movie and figure everything out.” 

…………………….

“How are we in adjoining rooms, and we didn’t even know?” Liv asked. 

“I switched rooms,” Rafael said. “Mine was dirty. Luck of the draw, I suppose.” The door separating their rooms was open, and they were sitting on Rafael’s bed. Liv had changed into some sweatpants, and he was trying not to stare at the smooth patch of skin that was visible where her tee shirt was riding up. He was also wearing sweatpants, but he wished he was wearing jeans or something that would cover up the bulge that was forming. He had a pillow over his lap now as was eating, and he hoped the wine he was drinking might help to relax him some. 

“We need a story,” Liv said. “Why and when did we start dating, how did you propose, you know, all the details.” 

“What if you proposed,” Rafael teased, taking another bite of his food, and Liv laughed. 

“What if I did,” she whispered, smiling at him. “This is so ridiculous.” Rafael didn’t feel like it was ridiculous. He wished more than anything that it was real, but he nodded in agreement anyway. “So, I proposed, but why did we start dating?” 

“That’s easy,” Rafael said softly. “We work together. The long nights, the loneliness; no one else understands what it’s like to work sex crimes, and what’s better than the ADA and the Lieutenant.” He smirked a little bit at Liv. “We’re a great team.” 

She patted his ankle that was situated right next to her leg. “That we are,” she agreed. 

“But if you mean why I fell in love with you specifically, I think it would be believable for me to elaborate,” Rafael said softly. He swallowed heavily. “The way you talk to victims, the way you support them, it’s taught me compassion. The way you never stop fighting even when it looks like we’ve lost has taught me strength. You make me smile, you make me laugh, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, and you’ve changed my life for the better. You’ve made me a better man.” He knew his eyes were shiny and wide with emotion, but he couldn’t help himself. Liv was looking back at him, but the tears in her eyes were surely a trick from his brain. He swallowed again. “How’s that?” His body was shaking. He wanted to reach out and touch her, to pull her against him and show her how much he loved her, but he couldn’t. 

“Perfect,” she said softly. It felt significant to get that off his chest. It felt like something he needed to say to her even though she wouldn’t know he meant it. He knew he was imagining the tears in her eyes because it was hard to make Olivia cry. He was seeing what he wanted to see because he wanted this so badly. Rafael took a gulp of his wine. “I definitely proposed to you on your yacht,” Liv said, diffusing the tension, and Rafael burst out laughing. 

“Liv, it’s not my yacht,” he said, a smirk on his face. They laughed and talked for hours, piecing together their mutual history, and Rafael enjoyed talking about it. He enjoyed spending this time with her, laughing with her, and he savored the chance to imagine this for himself. 

When they finished their dinners, they ordered another bottle of wine, and Rafael was beginning to feel warm inside. He was having more and more trouble pulling his gaze from Olivia’s face. He was on his fifth glass of wine when Liv looked at him and said, “We’re probably going to have to kiss,” she said softly. He swallowed, unsure of where she was going with this, but suddenly his eyes were glued to her lips and his brain felt fuzzy. “We should probably practice.” He could barely breathe. 

“Okay,” he whispered. He was shaking again. Liv moved up to her knees, crawling closer to him, and he didn’t know what to do with his hands. Time seemed to slow to a stop as she leaned in. They bumped noses at first, but Liv laughed and adjusted. It took a moment for the both of them to figure out exactly what the other was doing, but then Liv’s soft lips were pressed against his. The first kiss only lasted a moment; it was a brushing of lips, and it left him wanting. His stomach was coiled into a tight ball of desire, and he felt vaguely ill. He needed to get a grip, to protect his fragile heart because what he felt for Liv was all consuming. He was doing his best to keep it locked inside, to ignore it, but kissing her was threatening to ruin his resolve. 

Liv leaned in again, and this time, she wasn’t so gentle. Her lips moved against his, her fingers tangled in his hair as she kept him close, and he was trying his hardest not to make any noise or move and dislodge the pillow that was hiding his rapidly forming erection from Liv. He couldn’t stop the groan when her tongue was suddenly in his mouth. He just clutched at her and did his best to kiss her back despite his racing mind. 

It felt like it was going on far past what they needed for the purposes of practice, but Rafael couldn’t bring himself to put an end to it. It was getting heated, and he felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. Liv pulled back and he was gasping. He felt lightheaded. “How’d I do?” he asked softly, trying to make her laugh and distract her from his flushed body, his dilated pupils and the obvious bulge in his pants. He was really glad he had that pillow. 

“You’re good,” Liv said softly. “I think you’ll do just fine in the field. Just remember, don’t offer up too much information. Only when people ask. I think we need one more kiss.” He swallowed heavily, but he nodded, letting her crowd him once more. It was like she was a drug, and he was addicted at the first taste. He could kiss her for the rest of his life and die a happy man. She was so close to him, and he couldn’t think. All he could do was feel. Her hand was soft when it stroked his cheek, cupping his face and steadying him, and he couldn’t imagine stopping. He couldn’t imagine ever stopping, but if she didn’t stop, he was going to make a mess in his pants. 

“Liv,” he whispered between kissing, his voice strangled, and she pulled back fully. “I think people might faint if we kissed like that in public.” She snorted. 

“You want to be prepared for all possible circumstances,” she said. “After that, you won’t feel awkward about a little brush on the lips.” He smiled, but he was feeling rather empty inside. He needed more wine. He gulped down another glass, and Liv was sitting next to him, drinking her own glass. “You don’t have to do this,” she said softly. 

“Liv, I will do anything to keep him away from you,” Rafael said softly. Liv set her glass down, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close. He didn’t expect it, but he couldn’t help but melt into it all the same. They were perilously close. 

They ended up laying right next to each other as they watched a movie, and Rafael tried to drown his sorrows in wine. He knew this plan was such a bad idea, but he was willing to risk his heart if it meant keeping Liv safe. 

………………………….

Rafael’s head was aching. It was the first thing he noticed when he managed to force his eyes open. He blinked a few times, trying to shift around, but that was when he noticed Liv. She was curled up against his side, her head resting on his chest, and he had his arms around her, keeping her close. He knew he should pull away. Neither of them had meant to fall asleep like that but after all the wine they had, they must’ve passed out. Rafael didn’t want to move. He wanted just one more moment to tell himself it might be real. He was going to have to allow himself to enjoy their little game at least a little bit in order to make the ruse look realistic. 

He ran his hand down her back, letting himself bask. He wasn’t sure how long it was before he felt Olivia stir, and he expected her to get up immediately, but she looked up at him sleepily instead. “Mmm, how did we end up like this?” Liv mumbled. She didn’t move though. He gently rubbed her back. 

“I think we’re acing this fiancé thing,” he said softly. 

“Definitely acing it,” Liv said, her hand rubbing over his chest. 

“We’ll have them all fooled,” Rafael said. Liv smiled at him, but then her eyes went wide. 

“Shit,” she said. “The conference.” 

“Shit,” Rafael said. He still didn’t want to get up. She squeezed him gently before she sat up, getting out of bed, and he missed the warmth. He missed the feeling of her body pressed up against his own. He was suddenly keenly aware of the bulge in his pants, and he groaned, hoping Liv hadn’t noticed. He knew it was normal, but he really did not want her feeling uncomfortable. He needed to remember this was just an act. He needed to find a balance where he was in it enough to make it realistic, but he couldn’t overdo it to the point where he left himself broken at the end, and he certainly couldn’t ruin their friendship. 

He forced himself out of the bed? And it was then that he remembered that Liv was supposed to speak first today, and they were going to be so late. He cursed at himself, digging clothes out of his bag and jumping into his pants. He brushed his teeth, but he only had time to run his wet fingers through his hair. He dabbed some cologne on his neck, wishing he could hop in the shower, but he was a stuck like this for a few hours at least. Later, they might be able to sneak out and clean up better. Liv was just as much of a mess, but somehow, she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. “Ready, dear?” He teased, trying to ease the stress that he could see in her expression. He earned a soft smile, and he tentatively reached for her hand. “They’ll eat this up.” Liv pulled his hand to her other side, wrapping his arm around her waist, and he could barely breathe. 

“Go big or go home,” Liv whispered. “Let’s go. I’ll arrive fashionably late with you as my eye candy. We’ll be the talk of the conference.” 

“Not even married and I’m already the trophy husband,” he said with a smile. 

“I was the one that proposed,” Liv said with a wink. He smirked. 

……………………….

When Liv made it back to the table, he offered her a big smile and thumbs up. She was amazing, and he was constantly in awe. When he had first started at SVU, he believed he knew what he was doing, but he had been so wrong. Liv had opened his eyes. She had taught him so many things that he didn’t know before, but most importantly, she had opened him up. Liv had taught him compassion, or she had at least reminded him that there was a place for it during cases. 

Her talk had been fantastic. He wanted to tell her how good. She smiled at him, sitting down right next to him, and he was surprised when she pulled him over for a kiss. “You were amazing, sweetheart,” he said just loudly enough for her unwanted admirer to notice from across the table. Liv’s hair was still a little wild. They had gotten quite a few looks when they came in the room. He didn’t even want to see himself in a mirror. Liv had surprised him with a kiss prior to her presentation as well, and he was glad for the practice they had done because otherwise, he would have been shaking like a leaf. He managed to get to his seat with just a brief stab of desire and shaky hands. Now, her hand was on his thigh, and he was trying to control himself. People were whispering, but of course, that was what they wanted. 

Liv was seemingly paying attention to the next talk, but all he could do was stare at Liv. He couldn’t tear his eyes from her, and for once, he could look without fear of being caught. He despised himself for wanting her. He had no right, and he wished more than anything that he was capable of locking it away so deep inside of himself that it never saw the light of day, but there were moments when he found himself imagining what it would be like for her to love him. He wanted to know what it would be like to be loved. Sometimes he wondered if it was even possible. 

Once they finally broke for lunch, he turned to Liv. “You wanna go get a shower?” She snorted. 

“Together?” she teased. He winked. 

……………………..

Rafael was sitting on the bed imagining Liv standing under the warm water, steam filling the bathroom. He felt like a complete pervert, and he hated himself for it. He was waiting for his turn for the shower. He felt sweaty and gross, and he wanted to shave his itchy face, but he also needed some cold water to calm down the situation in his pants. 

She was going to be the death of him. He was going to faint one of these days from lack of blood in the brain because it was all settling in his crotch. He was going to have a nice, long discussion with Jack McCoy about the quality of hotel he was willing to pay for because the fact that his shower didn’t work made him angry. It left him sitting on the bed, imagining Liv in the shower, and it was certainly not something he was proud of. 

He wanted to get in the shower with her, to kiss her breath away, to feel her hands on his body, and finally touch her everywhere. This ruse was getting dangerous. He never let his mind roam so freely, and he was standing on the edge of a very steep cliff, more than ready to take the plunge even though he knew he’d never survive. 

He was grateful that when Liv did emerge from the steamy bathroom, she was fully dressed. He went inside for his turn, trying not to think about the fact that she had just been in this very room, naked. He was in for a long week. 

………………………

Rafael could see the man looking at them. He wasn’t sure why he was so obsessed with Olivia, but he seemed to show up wherever they went which meant that Rafael was always on the clock. It wasn’t hard per se to kiss Liv, to hold her hand and sit so close to her, he thought they might meld together. The feelings were hard. They kept poking their ugly heads out at inconvenient times. He didn’t have a right to love her, but he couldn’t help it anymore. He was trying so hard to keep himself in check, but he was in love with her. They were eating dinner in the hotel restaurant, and she was holding his hand across the table. It was the kind of soft domesticity that he hadn’t ever thought was possible for himself. 

Her hands were soft, her nails painted, and he thought they were much more attractive than his own hands. He wasn’t entirely sure what made hands beautiful, but maybe it was just that fact that they belonged to Olivia. He absently rubbed his thumb over her soft skin, over the bump of her knuckle. 

“Rafa?” Liv’s voice cut into his thoughts, and he looked over to her. “You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?” 

“Wow, I really am acing this future husband thing,” Rafael said with a little smirk, and Liv rolled her eyes. “Sorry. I’m still a little tired.” Liv squeezed his hand. 

“I asked how bad my presentation was,” she said softly. “I’m sure I looked like a mess.” He shook his head. 

“You were amazing,” Rafael said softly. “Absolutely amazing. You had the whole room captivated.” She smiled at that. 

“Definitely acing the future husband thing,” she whispered, and he laughed. He could still see the dark haired man sitting in a booth, glaring, and Rafael was trying to remember what his name was. He knew why he recognized him, but he couldn’t seem to recall his name. It was moot anyway. 

The waiter finally came by and took their orders, and Rafael was more than grateful. He was starving. He hadn’t had much of a chance to eat considering they had used lunch to grab a shower. Liv had bought him a donut on the way back to the conference room. Now he was more than ready to have a steak. He really needed the scotch too. Liv let him brood for a few minutes after the man left before she looked at him, her sharp brown eyes seemingly boring into his soul. “Are you okay?” she asked softly. He nodded, refocusing his attention on her. 

The truth was though, he wasn’t okay. He was struggling. He couldn’t tell her that though. He smiled a little bit. “I’m good.”

“If you don’t want to do this anymore, we don’t have to,” Liv said softly, looking at him seriously. She started to pull her hand away, but he tightened his grip, squeezing gently. 

“No, this is fun. I’m not annoying you yet?” he asked. “Soon you’ll be yelling at me for leaving my underwear on the floor.” 

“I have a hunch that you are a bit of a neat freak,” Liv replied as the waiter brought them their food. “I’d say your clothes are organized by color.” He narrowed his eyes. 

“When did you break into my apartment?” he asked. 

“I just know you,” Liv replied with a little smirk. He smiled down at his plate. 

“You sure do,” Rafael said softly. She knew him probably better than anyone, and he want entirely sure how that had happened. He didn’t trust people easily. Honestly, he barely trusted people period, but he trusted her with his life. 

He’d always known he was an idiot when in love. He hadn’t been kidding when he told Liv the story about Lauren Sullivan, and later, he’d been willing to do just about anything to hold onto Alex, but he’d let him slip away. He was too scared to put himself out there for real. He had tried so hard; he’d suggested dinner or drinks, and he couldn’t tell if Liv just didn’t want him or if he wasn’t being obvious enough. Either way, he was too scared to take anymore of a leap even if she was kissing him and holding his hand now. 

“Mm, this pasta is so good,” Liv said, reaching for her wine, and he looked up at her with a smile. He heard a little commotion, and he noticed a few more people from the conference, including the shady man. He was watching them. Liv seemed to notice too. “Want a bite?” She asked, and he swallowed heavily. Sometimes they made small wagers over spring rolls when they had working dinners, but they’d never actually shared food. He swallowed, but he nodded, and Liv brought the fork to his lips. The pasta was good. It was really good, and he let out an overly obscene noise for her benefit. She laughed. “Now they’re gonna think we’re doing something under the table,” she teased. 

“Lieutenant Benson getting nasty in a restaurant,” he teased back, raising his eyebrows. She snorted. “You don’t have the guts.” She cocked an eyebrow but took another bite of her pasta. 

“And you would?” She asked. “Have you ever...done that sort of thing before?” He felt himself turning red. 

“Maybe,” he said softly. Liv was smirking at him a little bit, her amusement clearly showing on her face. “Listen, college was an interesting time for me.” She raised an eyebrow, and he crossed his arms over his chest. He didn’t want to tell her what he’d done to get his college paid for in full. He was sure she’d be disappointed in him. 

“It’s okay,” she said softly. “You don’t have to share if you don’t want to,” Liv said, obviously sensing his discomfort. 

“Maybe another time,” he said softly, offering her a little smile. 

A man came over to their table, and Rafael could tell Liv was suddenly tense. “Olivia,” he said, and she smiled tensely. 

“David,” she said. “I didn’t know you were working for the DA’s office again.” 

“Not Manhattan,” he said. “I didn’t know you were dating another lawyer.” 

“We’re engaged actually,” Liv said. 

“Barba,” the man said, offering his hand, but Rafael didn’t know who he was. “We worked together once in Brooklyn. David Haden.” 

“Right,” Rafael said. He still didn’t remember. He was still caught up on when Haden said “another.” What did he mean by that? Had Liv dated  _ him _ ? Was this Haden guy good enough for her, but he wasn’t? He tried to tamp down on the feelings that were coursing through him, but it was hard when everything was so intense for him when it came to Olivia. Rafael remembered Liv saying that she didn’t date lawyers anymore, but at the time, he had no idea what that was supposed to mean. She had apparently dated this lawyer though. 

“Alright, I’ll leave you two alone for now, but I want to talk later,” Haden said, looking at Olivia. Rafael didn’t feel much like talking anymore. 

……………………..

Rafael was sitting on his bed, one leg hanging off the side. He was moping and definitely brooding as he sat there, thinking about Liv kissing that man. Rafael knew David Haden’s type. He had been doing some thinking, and he vaguely remembered the man. He was an arrogant prick, arrogant enough to piss him off, and Rafael wanted to know what Liv had even seen in him. What did he have that Rafael didn’t? He just didn’t get it. She had dated Cassidy, who was a prick, Tucker, who was a prick, and apparently Haden, who was also a prick. Rafael just didn’t know anymore. He wasn’t sure that he’d ever even had a chance. He probably wasn’t even her type which apparently consisted of guys who were obsessed with their own masculinity. 

He let himself fall onto his back, staring up at his ceiling. He’d excused himself after dinner, getting another shower to try and relax, and now he was just moping. He was torturing himself, but this entire ruse was torture.It was torture he was willing to endure, but that didn’t make it any easier. He was considering going to sleep when there was a soft knock on the door between their rooms. “Rafa? Can I come in?” He shut his eyes, sighing. 

“Come in,” he finally said. He didn’t want to upset her just because he was being juvenile, and he couldn’t get his emotions under control. He heard her open the door, and he felt the bed dip under her weight. 

“I brought some scotch,” she said. He looked up at her, forcing a smile on his face. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m just tired,” he said. “This conference is annoying and exhausting.” 

“Sit up, have some scotch,” Liv said. “We can talk and watch a movie.” He sat up with a sigh, leaning back against the headboard and wishing he was wearing actual pants, but he couldn’t bring himself to go look in his bag for some sweatpants. He took the glass Liv handed him, and he swallowed a mouthful of the amber liquid. 

“What do you want to talk about?” he asked, staring down at his glass. 

“I know you asked about Haden earlier, and I told you it wasn’t your business, but I think we should talk about it,” Liv said softly. 

“You don’t have to,” Rafael said softly, looking over at her. 

“If you were my fiancé, chances are you’d know, so I need to tell you,” Liv said. Rafael didn’t respond. He was feeling sorry for himself. Liv took his silence as a go ahead to tell the story. “I met Haden the year before you came to work with SVU.” Rafael really didn’t want to hear about Olivia’s ex boyfriend. He’d dealt with that enough when Cassidy was around, and Tucker had been even more frustrating. Liv was right though; if he was going to pretend to be her fiance, he was going to have to know. “He was helping out around here, and we hit it off. We dated briefly, but in the end, it was going to ruin our careers because we waited too long to disclose. David was offered a job to investigate conviction integrity, and he would have had to give that up for me. We called it off.” 

“Sounds amicable,” Rafael said softly. 

“It sucked,” Liv admitted. “I really liked him, but it turned out to be for the best. He was caught up in the whole Delia Wilson debacle.” 

“Right,” Rafael said. He had known Haden was a douche. Rafael had been around plenty of rich and snobby men in his life, and Haden definitely reminded him of them as well. He reminded Rafael of some of the pretentious kids whose parents paid for their schooling at Harvard. He’d been the poor kid who was only there on scholarship, and it definitely had drawn some attention to him in his early days on campus. 

“You okay?” Liv asked softly. He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I’m fine. Just remembering the days when guys like David Haden dumped some beer on me,” he whispered. Liv’s brow furrowed as she looked at him. 

“What?” she asked. 

“I waited tables in college,” Rafael said softly. “I just needed some cash to spend, so I got a job, and a few guys who were in one of my classes were there. They all came from wealthy families, and they didn’t respect me at all. A couple of them dumped a bunch of beer on me because they thought it was funny.” 

“Wow,” Liv said. “That’s awful.” 

“I promised myself that I wouldn’t always be like that. I was sick and tired of being picked on for being small or poor,” Rafael said. “But look at me, here I am.” 

“You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished,” Liv said softly. 

“I try,” he said softly. He was apparently in a particularly bad mood. He couldn’t stop staring up at the ceiling. He was angry and annoyed and hurt. He knew it wasn’t fair to be hurt. This was supposed to be fake, but it didn't feel fake to him. Liv rubbed his arm, and he appreciated the soft touch, but it was still hurting him. 

“Here, I’ll order us something to eat,” Liv said. “Some dessert.” 

“Okay,” Rafael agreed. He really needed some chocolate or something. He took another long gulp from his scotch glass. Liv turned on the tv, but he wasn’t watching. He was too busy trying to get his emotions under control. He hated himself for the way he felt, but he couldn’t seem to change it. 

He felt her hand on his leg, and he glanced over at her, offering a soft smile. He didn’t want her to feel bad and think that it was her fault. It was his own fault for letting his feelings get in the way. He was really looking forward to cake that Liv had ordered for him. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Rafael was laying in bed, feeling sorry for himself again. He had been sleeping on and off, but he couldn’t stop his racing mind. He wasn’t sure he could bear another day of pretending to be Liv’s fiance, but he was going to have to. He couldn’t let her down even though it hurt. 

There was a knock on the adjoining door, and Rafael sat up. “Yeah?” he asked. 

“You want to go get some breakfast?” Liv asked. 

“Sure,” Rafael said, getting out of bed. He opened his suitcase, changing into a new outfit. It was an off day for the conference. There was a networking dinner later that night, but they had the day to themselves. He met Liv in the hallway once he was dressed, and she looked gorgeous as always. He rubbed his sweaty hand on his jeans, walking by her side, and Liv reached for his hand. He let her take it, and she smiled at him. He managed a weak curl of his lips for her sake. “Where are we eating?” he asked softly. 

“Carisi gave me this really good restaurant,” Liv said. “It’s not that far from here.” 

“Sounds good,” Rafael said. “I’m starving.” He hoped that food might help. When they made it in the elevator, Rafael was sure he saw someone duck into a room like they didn’t want to be seen. He squeezed Liv’s hand. “Did you see that?” he asked softly. 

“Yeah, he’s following us,” Liv whispered. 

“Here,” Rafael said, letting go of her hand. He took a deep breath before leaning in pressing their lips together. His hand was curled around her hip, keeping her body flush against his. “I just can’t keep my hands off of you,” he whispered by her ear. She laughed softly against his lips. 

“I have to say, you’re pretty believable,” Liv murmured between pecks of their lips.  _ I’m not pretending. _ He felt flushed as the elevator door shut, and he finally let go of her. 

“It’s easy. We’re a good team,” Rafael whispered. 

“That we are,” Liv agreed. They walked down the street hand in hand toward where the restaurant was. Liv was talking to him about her skype conversation with Noah that morning, but Rafael was distracted. He couldn’t stop looking at her. He was trying not to mope, trying not to feel sorry for himself, but it was hard. Suddenly, Liv was holding his hand tighter. “He’s still following us,” Liv said. 

“What the hell,” Rafael whispered. Liv let go of his hand, slipping hers into his back pocket, and Rafael swallowed heavily. He wrapped his arm around her back, hand rubbing over her arm. Liv groped his ass through his pants, and he was trying to keep control of himself, but his arousal was building. He just hoped his jeans could hide it. He hadn’t felt this out of control since he was a hormone filled teenager. “What you gonna have for breakfast?” Rafael asked softly. 

“I’m thinking an omelette,” Liv said. “How about you?” 

“I want french toast,” Rafael said. “I’m starving.” 

“You had two pieces of cake last night,” Liv said with a laugh. 

“Have you met me?” Rafael asked. “I’m always hungry.” 

“I know,” Liv whispered. “Did you pack snacks in your bag?” 

“I have some licorice,” he admitted begrudgingly. Liv smiled. They finally made it to the restaurant, and Rafael asked for a booth in the corner. He sat down, and Liv sat right next to him to his surprise. She pressed her lips against his neck, laughing softly, and he swallowed heavily. He rubbed her back, blushing when the waitress came by. He spotted the piece of trash who had been bothering Liv sitting at table across the restaurant. “I’ll have a coffee,” he said. “And orange juice.” 

“Tea, please,” Liv said. She was so close to him, he felt like she was practically in his lap. Liv wrapped an arm around him, squeezing him close. “Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Rafael said. “I have a lot on my mind.” 

“What do you want to do with your free day?” Liv asked softly. 

“We could go sightseeing,” Rafael said. There was plenty to see in LA. “I heard about this little pier that we could go to. There’s a boardwalk. We could hang out there until we have to get ready for dinner.” 

“That sounds like fun,” Liv agreed. They ordered their food and ate their breakfast, keeping up the ruse. Every time Liv kissed him, Rafael felt like a little bit of himself died inside. He was enjoying this far too much, and it was hurt to know that it wasn’t real. He wanted it to be real so badly. It was all he could think about. 

They walked back to the hotel together, only parting to get changed up in their rooms. Rafael put on some cargo shorts. He wasn’t planning on going in the water. He had a light tee shirt, and he grabbed his sunglasses. Liv looked gorgeous in a strappy tank top and some jean shorts. The tank top wasn’t extremely revealing, but it looked really nice on her, and he was taken aback a little bit. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen her in something like that. Not even when they spent time together at the park with Noah. 

He had seen some of her injuries in the files during the William Lewis trial, but Liv always did a very diligent job at hiding them under clothing. He could see a few now, peeking out from under the neck of the tank top, some on her back, on her shoulders. He tried not to stare. He hated William lewis more than he could express. Jail time wasn’t enough for that bastard. He had deserved that gunshot to the head. 

Rafael reached for her hand, not really thinking about the fact that no one else was around. She let him hold it though, and he smiled at her. “You look stunning,” he whispered. 

“No one’s here,” Liv whispered. “You can drop the act.” 

“I’m serious. I like your shirt,” he said softly. 

“Thank you,” Liv replied, smiling at him as he hailed them a cab. The ride was mostly quiet, Liv looking out the window as they drove through the city to get to the pier. Rafael was still holding her hand. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was doing it, but she wasn’t pulling away, so he didn’t either. When they made it out onto the pier, there were little shops all up and down the sides of it. They could see out into the water. There were rides, a Ferris Wheel in the distance, and it was a nice and warm outside. They looked through some of the little shops, talking softly about nothing. He told her more about Harvard when she asked. 

As they looked through the handmade jewelry at one little shop, he saw Liv eyeing up a necklace. There was a metal chain that was a bronze color with a little, circle. There was a blue waved painted on the circle charm. When she left to use the restroom, Rafael went back bought it. He couldn’t help himself. He had it in his pocket when Liv came back. 

“You want to go on the Ferris Wheel?” Liv asked him as they were nearing the end of the pier. They still had time to get something to eat if they wanted to. 

“Sure,” he said. It was nice to get away from the hotel, away from that asshole. Liv paid for the tickets on the Ferris Wheel, and they got in the little car together and strapped in. 

“I used to love the Ferris Wheel when my Mom would take me places. It didn’t happen much, but it’s a good memory,” Liv said softly. 

“We never had enough money for anything like that. All my dad spent his cash on was booze,” Rafael said. 

“You’ve never been on a Ferris Wheel?” Liv asked as it started moving. 

“Well, Rita dragged me on plenty of things in college,” Rafael said. “But um...I don’t particularly love heights.” 

“Why did you agree to come on then?” Liv asked. 

“You looked like you really wanted to,” Rafael said softly. His heart was starting to beat faster as they rose higher and higher. 

“Do you want me to hold your hand, sweetheart?” Liv teased softly. He glared, but he took her offered hand, trying not to lose his cool. He really didn’t like heights. His stomach felt like it was doing flips, and he just kept reminding himself not to look down. “Just breathe, Rafa. It’s not so bad. Look out at the water.” He couldn’t deny that the water looked gorgeous. Liv talked him through it, and when they were back on the ground, she pulled him a little bit closer for a hug. “You did good,” she said. “Thank you for coming with me.” 

“Yeah, of course,” he agreed. “You want to get some lunch. Then we can head back and cool down before dinner.” 

“Sounds like a good plan. What are you wearing?” she asked. 

“It’s black tie, Liv. I’ve got a tux,” Rafael said. “How about you?” 

“You can help me pick my dress later,” she said. He felt heated just thinking about it. “We’ll see what matches your outfit best.” 

They both ordered burgers at a restaurant that Rafael had read was good. It was nice to sit down in the warm air, by the beach and eat lunch with Liv. They shared some fries, and just for a moment, it was like their little ruse was real somehow. He was happy and smiling, and his mood was so much better than it had been that morning. 

Liv sat close to him during the cab ride back to the hotel, and they were both laughing. Liv always made him laugh. They were still holding hands, and they were still not talking about it. Rafael didn’t know what it meant. He wasn’t sure if it was still an act, if they were just in the habit, or if Liv could possibly feel similarly for him. 

Rafael wrapped his arm around Liv’s waist when they headed into the hotel. He spotted the man who’d been following them at the bar as they walked into the building and to the elevator. Liv had her hand in his back pocket again, and he had to clear his throat. He hoped she couldn’t tell what she was doing to him. It was really embarrassing how out of control he was of his body. They went in to the rooms through his door, and the air conditioning felt heavenly. Rafael wanted to cool down before he put his tux on, and he needed to take a shower. Liv sat on his bed next to him, and they didn’t talk at first. They didn’t need to. He was feeling happy and content to be beside her until his phone started going off, and it was time for him to get ready for the dinner. He squeezed Liv’s hand before going to take a shower in her room because his still wasn’t working. He turned the water all the way to cold. 

………………………

Rafael was standing in front of the mirror, a towel around his waist as he parted his hair. He didn’t want to overdo the gel, but he also didn’t want his hair to go all over the place. His hands were shaking. Liv was going as his date. It was something that he had thought about and wanted for so long. He wanted Liv to go to galas with him, at his side, and he wanted to be the one that went home with her at night to put Noah in bed. He had wanted it for a long time. 

He kept having to pinch himself, and then he’d curse himself out, trying to remember that it wasn’t real. Liv wasn’t  _ actually _ his date. They were just pretending. He only wished that it was real. He wished that more than anything actually. He wanted to kiss Liv for real. He wanted to hold her hand wherever they went, and he wanted to tell her he loved her. He wanted this. 

He finished his hair, and he brushed his teeth. He had shaved that morning, so he didn’t bother. Then, he started to get dressed. He pulled on his black boxer briefs, and then he put on his white shirt, starting the process of getting it all fastened. He had left his cufflinks out in his suitcase, so he left his cuffs undone, stepping into his pants and pulling them up. It took him a second to tuck his shirt in and tighten his suspenders. He went back out to the room then. Liv was still laying on his bed, and she smiled at him when he came in. “Don’t you look fancy,” she said softly. 

“Shower is open if you want it,” he said. “I made sure to leave you some hot water.” He had only used ice cold water. Liv sat up, watching as he tied his bow tie before she stood up and headed to the bathroom. She didn’t take long in the shower, and when she came in his room again, she was wearing a black, floor length dress that sat just below her shoulders. It was breathtaking, and he felt like he was going to faint for a second. 

“What do you think?” Liv asked softly. 

“I think everyone in that room will think I’m the luckiest man alive,” Rafael whispered. Liv smiled. 

“I have another one,” she said. “Don’t get too attached yet.” He watched helplessly as she retreated back into the bedroom, and Rafael had his eyes squeezed shut. His pants were feeling a little bit too small. Liv was only a few moments. She came in the room wearing a pink dress that was a little bit loose. It appeared that she hadn’t zipped it up yet, but it completely took his breath away. He couldn’t speak. “I wasn’t sure about the color,” Liv said, and he was trying to find his voice to tell her that she was the most beautiful woman in the world, but the words seemed to be lodging in his throat. 

“That one,” he managed to blurt out, and Liv looked up as he took a deep breath. “That one. You look….” He couldn’t even finish his thought. All of the words that he had been trying to string together in his head fell apart, and all he could do was stare at Liv, trying not to wear his feelings on his sleeve. 

“Can you help me zip up?” Liv asked softly. All he could do was nod. He walked over to her, his hands shaking as he gently reached out to take the zipper. He pulled it up, his hand gently brushing against her skin, running up the length of her spine. He took a step back after that, and Liv turned to him. “We’re gonna be the talk of the conference. You look very handsome.” He felt his cheeks turning red as he blushed. She gently folded his collar down for him over the bow tie, and he was twitching nervously. 

“Vest or cumberbund?” he blurted out, wincing at himself. Liv smiled at him, trying to calm him down. 

“You have a pink cumberbund in that bag?” she asked softly. He smiled, her joke putting him at ease. 

“Unfortunately, I left my pink cumberbund at home. I didn’t realize I’d have a date,” Rafael said softly. Liv smiled at him. 

“All you had to do was ask,” she whispered. He wasn’t sure what he meant by that, and he swallowed heavily. 

“I um...I need cufflinks,” Rafael said. “And I have black--a black cumberbund or vest.” 

“Try them on,” Liv said. He nodded. Rafael went to his suitcase, digging around for his little box. He found it, setting it on the bed and pulling the lid up. He found the cufflinks he wanted almost immediately. He had a pink set, in a color similar to Liv’s dress. He swallowed heavily, hands shaking as he tried to fasten them, but he felt a hand on his arm. When he looked up, Liv was right there, and she held her hand out for him to drop them into it. She helped him fasten them in his shirt, and he sat down, yanking on the pink socks that he had packed to go with one of his suits. He put on his shoes before retrieving the cummerbund from his bag. Liv helped him fasten it, and he slipped his jacket on, modeling for her. 

They tried the vest on next, and she was smiling when she looked him over. She straightened his bow tie. “You look perfect,” she whispered. “Very handsome.” 

“Thanks,” he said back softly. “Ready to go?” he asked softly. Liv nodded. She had done her hair and makeup already, and they were ready to head to the dinner. Rafael offered her his arm, and she took it. 

Rafael had arranged for a car the night before. It was a sleek, black town car, and he held the door for Liv. He slid into the back after her and the driver started toward the gala. Liv was looking out the window, but he was staring at her. He couldn’t tear his eyes from her. She was so beautiful. She caught him staring after a few seconds, and she offered him a soft smile. “Practicing for the party?” she asked. 

“Gotta keep up the ruse,” Rafael said. He reached for her hand as the car pulled up, and she let him hold it on the way into the building. 

It was bustling with people. There were small groups all over, talking and drinking. There was an open bar off to the side. “Do you want a drink?” Rafael asked softly. 

“Yes, please. I’d love some cab if you don’t mind,” she said. He nodded, squeezing her hand before he headed over to the bar. He got her wine and scotch for himself, and when he returned to her, she was talking to a man. He tried to tamp down on the slight feeling of jealousy. Liv was just talking to him. He slid his arm around her waist when he reached her side after she took her wine.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he whispered, leaning over to kiss her cheek. 

“Oh, Rafa, this is Captain Larson. He works out here in LA, and we were just talking about reforming the police procedures with rape kits,” Liv said. 

“Rafael Barba,” he said, offering his hand. “Lieutenant Benson’s fiance.” 

“And my partner in crime. Rafael, here, has the best conviction rate in New York City,” Liv said, looking at him strangely. 

“Wow, well aren’t you two a successful couple,” he said. Rafael smiled at Liv a little bit, taking a sip of his scotch. 

“She’s the superstar. The keynote speaker,” Rafael said. Liv smiled a little bit at him. 

“You are too smooth for your own good, Rafa, come on, let’s find our seats,” Liv said. They said goodbye to Captain Larson before searching for their table. Rafael rubbed Liv’s back absently as they sat in their seats. She was sipping her wine, but they weren’t alone for long. Liv was popular. There was another couple who sat beside them--a police lieutenant and his wife. There was also an executive district attorney from Florida. The lieutenant smiled at them, and they were holding hands. 

“You two are quite the couple,” the man said. As he was speaking, Rafael saw Liv’s stalker out of the corner of his eye. He sat down at their table, and Rafael swallowed heavily. 

“Yeah,” the man piped in. “How did you two meet?” 

“We met during a case,” Rafael said. “I had just transferred to Manhattan. I used to work at Brooklyn SVU. There was a scandal at the DAs office, so there weren’t many ADAs to go around. A colleague introduced us, so I could come help on a case.” 

“Not just any case,” Liv said. “The Adam Cain case. Rafael let Cain choke him on the stand to prove a point, and he put him away.” 

“Sweetheart,” he whispered. “You’re embarrassing me.” 

“He’s modest,” Liv said, patting his shoulder. 

“That turned out to be the best decision I’ve ever made,” Rafael said. “It’s where I met Liv. We worked so well together, and it was only a matter of time before we couldn’t ignore our feelings anymore.” 

“I kissed him one night, in his office,” Liv said. “It’s all history now.” 

“Aww,” the lieutenant’s wife said. Rafael reached over and rubbed Liv’s back. 

“I’m the luckiest man in the world,” Rafael said softly. 

“Wow, that sounds  _ very _ romantic,” the man said, and Rafael could practically hear him rolling his eyes. 

“He is very romantic,” Liv said. “My sap.” Rafael blushed a little bit. He couldn’t stop looking at her in that dress. He wanted this to be real so badly, but it wasn’t real. It was going to be a long night. 

………………………….

They were eating dinner when the next round of questioning came up. They had actually been talking to a lot of people about how they ran Manhattan SVU. Liv was really a big deal at the conference, and there were a lot of people interested in what they were doing. Rafael was spending a lot of time at Liv’s side, his arm around her waist. It wasn’t that he couldn’t add things, but she was really the star. She had taught him so much when he came to SVU, and he wanted to let other people learn from her. Besides, he could barely think when he was staring at her like that. She was so amazing. He was constantly in awe of her. 

He had been starving by the time they made it back to the table for dinner. He had gotten Liv a fresh drink, and then they had finally been able to sit down and start eating until that asshole spoke up again. “If you two are engaged, where’s her ring?” He was staring at Liv’s hand. She looked at Rafael, but all he did was sit back in his chair and reach for his bow tie and the top button of his shirt. He untied it and unbuttoned his shirt before pulling out his necklace. It was a chain with a crucifix and a ring hanging from it. 

“She proposed to me,” Rafael said. “Feminism.” He was smirking as he tucked it back into his shirt and buttoned it back up, retying his bow tie. Liv was grinning at him when he looked over, and he smiled back. She reached over, straightening his bow tie for him, and he caught her hand, squeezing it when she was done. “I love you,” he said softly. 

“Love you too, babe,” she whispered, and he felt like his heart was soaring even though it was a show for everyone else. 

After they’d finished eating, there was more talking and networking. Rafael followed Liv around the room, and they ended up in a conversation with the DA from Staten Island. He and Liv were talking about her potentially helping them out by doing a training seminar, and Rafael was talking with the man’s wife. He was distracted though. He could see Liv’s stalker watching them from across the room. He wished that he could remember the man’s name. He wished more than that he could punch the man in the face. 

“Wow, you are something else,” the DA said, and Rafael turned, smiling as he checked back into the conversation. The man was talking to Liv. 

“She is a superstar,” Rafael said. “I’m just here to look pretty. Her trophy husband.” Liv smacked his arm. 

“Shut up,” she said. “He has the best conviction rate in New York City as I’m sure you’re aware.” 

“Says the woman who does all the hard work. It’s easy to hit home runs when you’re lobbing me softballs,” Rafael said. 

“He’s too modest,” Liv said softly. “He’s the smartest, most capable ADA that I’ve ever worked with, and he’s the best man I know.” Rafael felt this warmth bubbling up in his chest when he heard her say that. All he wanted was to make her proud. He would turn around in court and see her face, and it would give him extra strength to dig deep and find some way to win cases. “I’ve seen him put people away when it seemed absolutely impossible. He’s willing to put himself out there to help victims.” 

“Liv,” Rafael said. “You’re making me blush.” 

“And you still look very handsome,” Liv said. He blushed even more, but he leaned over for a kiss. 

“They’re about to start dancing,” the DA said. 

“Wanna dance?” Rafael asked her softly. 

“Sure, let me just put my drink down,” Liv said. They went to the table and set their glasses down as the music started to play. “I might step on your feet, Rafa,” Liv said softly. 

“You can step on my feet all you want,” Rafael said. “Let’s go.” Liv smiled and let him lead her over to the dance floor. He put his hands on her hips, and she rested hers on his shoulders. They swayed back and forth at first, and Rafael was looking her in the eyes. He couldn’t tear himself away. He loved the deep brown color. He was a little bit drunk from so much scotch, and it was hard for him to keep a dopey smile from his face. “You look beautiful,” he whispered. 

“Thank you,” Liv said softly. He pulled her a little closer. 

“I appreciate all that stuff you said about me. I try really hard,” he whispered.

“I know you do, Rafa,” Liv said. “You really are the best man I know.” 

“I really do think you’re a superstar,” Rafael murmured. “I’m gonna kiss you. Asshole is staring at us.” 

“Kiss away,” Liv whispered. Rafael leaned down, brushing their lips together, and he felt like he was on cloud nine. She lifted one hand to his cheek, and he let the kiss go on longer than was really necessary. When he pulled back, he could barely breathe, and he couldn’t bring himself to pull away fully. He stayed close to her, their foreheads resting against each other, and it was intimate and felt like everything he’d ever wanted. Liv was looking at him in this way that made his heart skip a beat. He knew it was for show, but he was going to let himself pretend. 

It felt like the dance ended far too soon, and Liv smiled at him. They danced for another song, but it was a little faster, and Rafael had to help Liv stay on beat. They laughed and smiled, and all of Rafael’s attention was focused on her. She barely stepped on his feet at all, and he leaned in to kiss her again, this time with no pretext. She let him. He wanted to tell her that he loved her again, but he was too scared that she would look into his eyes and see it was true. 

When they finally decided to stop dancing, they headed back to their table, and Liv sat down and smiled, grabbing her glass of wine from the table and taking a sip. Rafael thought about having some of his scotch, but he was already emotional enough. He was still holding her hand, they were smiling at each other in this way that made his chest feel like it was going to explode. “You want another one?” Rafael asked. Liv had only had a few glasses of wine, so he thought she might want one more to close the night out. 

“I’m alright,” Liv said. 

“Hey, you two.” Rafael turned, seeing David Haden again. “I’ve been hearing plenty about the super couple tonight.” 

“What can we say,” Rafael said, smirking at the man. He knew it was childish, but he was feeling the need to puff his chest out and brag about their fake relationship. “Liv’s my other half. I don’t know what I’d do without her.” 

Haden smiled a little bit. “You really proposed to him?” Haden asked, looking at Liv. 

“I really did,” Liv said. “He knows me better than anyone. He’s the kindest, most caring man I’ve ever met, and I can’t imagine going through a day without him.” Rafael felt the tears filling his eyes. She squeezed his hand. 

“Well, I’m glad you two found each other,” Haden said. “Good luck.” 

“Thanks,” Rafael said. He was starting to get tired though, and he was ready to head back to their hotel rooms if Liv wanted to. “Ready to go?” he asked. 

“Yeah, sure,” Liv agreed. When she stood up though, she seemed a little bit wobbly, and he frowned. “Rafa,” she said softly. “I’m not feeling so well.” 

“What’s wrong, honey?” he asked, coming closer to her to feel her forehead. 

“I--I think…” she trailed off, blinking and grabbing onto his arm so tight that it hurt. “I think someone put something in my drink.” 

“What!?” he asked. 

“I feel….dizzy, and so, so tired,” Liv murmured. Rafael knew exactly who had done it, and he wanted to kill him, but right now, he needed to get Liv out of there and to the hospital. He had no idea if Liv was going to be alright or not. He hated himself for not protecting her better. She was leaning on him as he quickly escorted her out of the building, avoiding anyone who was near them. He didn’t want to embarrass her or have anyone find out if that wasn’t what she wanted. “Rafa, I need to--Rafa.” She was starting to slur her words. 

“Shh, honey, you’re going to be alright. I promise,” Rafael said. His heart was practically beating out of his chest. “I’m right here with you. I’m going to get you to the hospital just to make sure you’re alright. It’s going to be okay.” 

“You two need a lift?” It was the asshole, and Rafael felt rage building up in his chest. 

“Stay the hell away from us,” Rafael said in a tone that he hadn’t used since his father died. 

“You gonna take her back to your room?” he asked. “She’ll lie real still for you.” Rafael could feel himself losing control. 

“Shut the hell up,” Rafael said softly. “I know exactly what you are.” 

“You’re the one who helped me dodge the charges,” the man said. “Everything I’ve ever done since then is on you.” Rafael knew he was right, and he hated himself for it. He had been trying to make up for that mistake for years. He stood there stiffly for a second before lashing out and punching the man right in the face. He stumbled when the guy punched him back, but before anything more could happen, his car finally arrived. The man glared at him, but stalked off back into the shadows, and Rafael helped Liv into the car. 

“Rafa,” Liv mumbled. “Your face.” She clumsily touched his face, and he winced as her fingers brushed his red and swollen eye. 

“Ow,” he whispered. 

“You’re….pretty,” she said, and if he wasn’t so upset and worried he might have laughed. 

“Liv, honey, you don’t mean that,” Rafael said softly. “Shh.” 

“You’re just the best,” Liv said, drawing out all the vowels. “My best friend.” She patted his chest. She was leaning into him, her face smooshed up against his shoulder. “And your voice is so nice.” 

“My voice is nice?” he asked softly, trying not to smile. He was grateful she could make him laugh. He was trying not to worry too much as the car sped toward the hospital. 

“Mmm, so nice. Listen, I really, really, really, really, really like you,” Liv said, and he smiled, pressing his lips against her hair. 

“I really like you too,” he said softly. “Just quiet down. It’s going to be alright.” 

“Raaaffaaaa,” Liv whined. He rubbed her back. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised. She patted his chest again, swaying around until she suddenly lurched forward, her lips pressing against his. She was kissing him messily, like only an intoxicated person could. Her tongue was in his mouth, and he was so stunned that he didn’t know how to react. Liv was kissing him, and she was all he could smell and taste and feel, and he almost forgot their situation, but then it hit him, and it was like being doused with a bucket of ice water. He gently pushed her back, and she tried to pull her wrists from his grasp, looking at him grumpily. 

“Raaaffffaaa,” she whined again. 

“Liv, no,” he said softly. “You’re not thinking clearly. This isn’t what you want.” 

“It iiiis. I wanna kiss you,” Liv whined, crossing her arms and pouting at him. 

“No, you don’t,” Rafael said. “You just think you do.” 

“You don’t like me?” Liv asked softly, sniffling and crossing her arms over her chest. She started to cry, and he sighed softly. 

“Liv, no, that’s not--Liv, sweetheart, come here,” Rafael said, draping his arm over her shoulders and holding her. “Later. When you’re feeling better, if you want to kiss, we can.” He knew she wouldn’t. It was the drugs talking. “I like you. I promise I like you.” 

“No you don’t,” Liv sobbed, pressing her now wet face against his shirt. She was grabbing for him, but her movements were clumsy. He tried to shush her and calm her down, but she wasn’t really listening. She started to calm down, and he just held her like that. Eventually, she just went limp in his arms, and he was getting more and more worried. 

Thankfully, they arrived at the hospital quickly, and Rafael cradled her in his arms, carrying her into the ER. They saw her quickly which was a relief to him, but she was asleep when they finally let him into her room. It had been a few hours since they got there, and now he was finally sitting by her side, holding her hand. They had her on an IV drip after they’d given her medication to help rid her system of the drug. It was just a matter of time before she finally woke up. She was going to be alright. 

Rafael was angry with himself, and he was so confused. He was angry that he hadn’t thought to keep an eye on her drink. He was confused by all the things she said to him in the car. He knew he shouldn’t even be thinking about them; she was drugged. It made her more suggestable and more prone to sexual behavior. He knew she hadn’t meant any of it. He hated himself for having enjoyed any part of it. He was just glad that Liv was safe now. 

The nurses had forced him to hold some ice on his eye, and it ached, but it had been well worth it. He wanted to do worse. He had fucked everything up, and all of this was his own fault. He wasn’t sure if he could ever admit to Liv what he’d done. It was so shameful, and he hated himself for it. He wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through the rest of the week. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Rafael woke up because he felt a soft hand on his back, rubbing gently. He blinked a few times, looking up to see Liv, watching him with fond eyes. “Hey,” she said softly. “Mind telling me what we’re doing here?” He scrambled to sit up, grabbing for her hand again. 

“Hey,” he whispered. “Hey.” He couldn’t stop smiling because she was awake, and she was okay. “Um, he drugged you, and I brought you here because I was scared, and--and I’m sorry I didn’t keep an eye on your drink.” 

“Rafa,” Liv said softly. “It wasn’t your fault. We were dancing. That’s the last thing I remember.” 

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Rafael said softly. “He’s a lot more bold than I thought he’d be.” 

“You had my back,” Liv said softly. “Thank you.” 

“Yeah,” Rafael said, tears filling his eyes, and he couldn’t hold them back. “I’m sorry.” 

“Oh, honey,” Liv said. “Don’t cry. It wasn’t your fault. It’s okay.” She stroked her hand over his hair, and he pressed his face against her stomach. 

“Liv,” he sobbed, and he was crying because he was sad and because he had fucked up. He was crying because all of this was his fault in the first place. He loved Liv, and he didn’t know how to tell her. He didn’t know what to do anymore. 

“I’m right here,” Liv said. “I’m okay. Take a deep breath.” 

“Sorry,” he whispered, scrubbing at his eyes and sniffling. “I wish that you weren’t stuck in the hospital.” 

“I’m alright, Rafa. I’m feeling a little better, and you made sure that nothing actually happened,” Liv said. “You know, this isn’t the first time I’ve been in the hospital. Once, when I was a rookie, I actually got hit by a car during a chase, and I was in the hospital for a week.” 

“I can barely imagine you then,” Rafael said softly. 

“How about you? What were you doing?” Liv asked. 

“I was probably still at Harvard,” Rafael said. 

“What was it like there?” Liv asked. “I remember being relieved when I made it to college. Siena was like the whole world was finally open to me. I was away from my mother. I was free for the first time in my life.” 

“I felt similarly at first,” Rafael said. “I didn’t have to worry about my parents, but I was out on my own with a lot of pressure to make it. I had big dreams, Liv. I was just a broke kid from the Bronx who wanted to prove everyone wrong.” 

“You did it,” Liv said softly. “You’ve done so much good.” 

“Don’t say that,” Rafael said softly. 

“It’s true,” Liv insisted, frowning slightly when she saw the look on his face. “Rafa, what’s going on.” 

“I’ve done plenty of things that you wouldn’t be proud of,” Rafael said. “I’ve done plenty of things that I’m not proud of.” 

“So have I,” Liv said, squeezing his hand. 

“You don’t know,” Rafael whispered, his voice breaking. 

“Then tell me,” Liv said. “Tell me what’s wrong.” 

“A lot of things, Liv,” Rafael said softly. 

“Tell me one. Maybe not the worst thing, but something that you aren’t proud of,” Liv said. “It doesn’t matter now.” Rafael sniffled again, thinking. He knew he could trust her with whatever he said, but he did not want to disappoint Liv. Her opinion was the most important to him, and he would be miserable if she was upset with him or thought less of him. 

He thought maybe if he could tell her one thing that had been bothering him for over a year, he could gauge her reaction. Maybe then he could tell her how he knew the asshole who had been following her around. “Well,” he whispered. “When I was at Harvard, I was broke. I was on scholarship, but I had no money for books, and I was desperate. That was my junior year. I tried making ends meet by waiting tables, but it was miserable, and one night, I was at work and there was this guy. He was maybe in his forties or fifties, and he had on this fancy suit.” Liv squeezed his hand, trying to encourage him to keep talking. She could always read him so well. “I guess he could tell I was desperate or maybe he just thought I was good looking and young, but he propositioned me.” 

Liv was staying quiet, letting him talk, but when he looked into her eyes, he didn’t see judgement. She was looking at him with love in her eyes, the love that she always showed him. Liv made him feel like family. She made him feel like he wasn’t so alone in this world because other than her and the squad, he had no one else. He didn’t have many friends. His only family was his mother, and sometimes, when it was dark out and he was alone, he felt like he was drowning in self hatred. Work kept him busy, but sometimes, it wasn’t enough. He loved Liv. He had been in love with her for forever. 

“I was desperate, Liv. He gave me whatever I wanted. I lived in his big, fancy house, and he bought me clothes and books, and I wasn’t that little skinny, starving college kid anymore. I didn’t get beer poured on me, and I let him use me. I let his friends sleep with me. I let him hit me, and I did all of it for what? A couple of months where I didn’t feel like a nobody? I’m pathetic.” 

“Rafa,” Liv said. “You were a kid. It’s hard to feel like you’re below all of your classmates, to feel like an outcast. He took advantage of you.” Rafael rubbed a tired hand over his face. 

“I let him,” Rafael said softly. 

“Rafa,” Liv said. When she looked at him though, it wasn’t with pity in her eyes. “You can’t be so hard on yourself.” She stroked his hair, pulling him a little bit closer, and he leaned his head against her, crawling on the bed beside her. Liv pulled him into her arms while he cried.

“I’m sorry,” Rafael sobbed. Liv rubbed his back, hushing him. 

“Don’t apologize,” Liv said softly. She was running her hand over his hair, and it was calming. “Just breathe.” 

“Thanks for listening, Liv,” he whispered. “I know I have you in my corner.” 

“Always,” Liv promised. 

“Are you alright?” he asked softly. Liv nodded, but she rested her face against his chest anyways. He kissed the top of her head. “I’m glad that I was there.” 

“I’m glad you were there too,” Liv whispered. She had her arm thrown over his midsection, and he held her close. It took a couple of moments, but she did start to cry, and he rubbed her back. 

“You’re okay,” he promised. “It’s going to be okay.” She didn’t cry for long, but Rafael was glad that he could return the favor and comfort her. 

“Can we leave?” Liv asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll get the doctor to see if they’ll sign the discharge paperwork,” Rafael said. He carefully stood up, kissing Liv’s forehead before he headed out to find the doctor. 

He had to promise that he would stay with Liv all night and make sure she stayed hydrated before they let them go. Liv changed back into her dress, and Rafael called a car to take them back to the hotel. He wrapped his jacket around her shoulders, and he walked her out to the car. She was leaning on him a little bit. He knew she was still tired from the drugs, and he wanted to get her back to the room and in bed. In the car, she was snuggled up against him again. He rubbed her back. 

“Rafa?” Liv asked softly. 

“Hmm?” he asked. 

“What did you mean when you said you knew that guy?” she asked. He swallowed heavily. 

“Liv,” he whispered. He didn’t want her to know what he’d done. She hadn’t been ashamed of him when he told her about college though. This was much worse in his opinion. Much, much worse, and it had ended up hurting her in the end. 

“Rafa,” Liv said. “You can tell me.” 

“This was all my fault,” Rafael said. 

“Rafael,” she whispered. “Don’t say that.” 

“I fucked up, Liv,” he whispered. They were pulling up to the hotel, interrupting their conversation. Rafael tipped the driver, and he wrapped an arm around Liv’s waist as they walked to the elevator. She was still leaning on him pretty heavily, and he shut his eyes and held her, wishing that this was how he could spend the rest of his days. When they made it to the room, Liv sat down on the bed. 

“Can you help me?” she asked softly. “My clothes are in the bag over there.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Rafael said. He found her a tee shirt and some shorts to wear, and he helped her to change into them. “I’m going to get you some water,” he said. 

“Then we can talk,” Liv whispered. 

“Okay,” Rafael said. He got her a glass of water, and he went back into the bedroom where she was. Liv had climbed under the covers, and Rafael handed her the glass of water. “Maybe we should call it a night,” he said. 

“No,” Liv whispered. “You owe me a conversation, and um...I’d really like it if you’d stay with me just for tonight. I’m still a little shaken.” He wanted more than anything to retreat to his room, away from this conversation and away from how beautiful she looked. He couldn’t say no to her though. Not when she needed him. 

“Okay,” Rafael agreed after a few seconds of silence. “I’m going to change out of this tux. I’ll be right back. Drink your water.” He went into the bedroom and slowly slipped out of his tuxedo. He was exhausted, and he was emotional, and he had no idea how things had spiraled so far out of control. He still wasn’t sure how he was going to patch his heart back together when he made it back to New York. He had no idea if it was even possible to patch his heart back together after this. 

When he made it back to the room, Liv looked even more exhausted, but she was still awake. He took a seat on the bed, crawling under the covers beside her. “Tell me why you think you fucked up,” Liv said softly. “I don’t want to see you blaming yourself for this.” 

“Liv, honey, you sound exhausted,” Rafael said. 

“Rafa, stop stalling, please talk to me,” Liv said. He sighed, toying with the blanket. 

“Fine,” he whispered. “Um. I told you that I didn’t have much money in college, and afterwards, I decided to work in the private sector to save some money up. I didn’t ever want to be poor again. I didn’t want to feel that desperate, Liv.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” she whispered, reaching for his hand. She could tell he was upset. She always knew how to read him. 

“I worked at a high end firm, and I was an associate. My first big case that they trusted me with was defending a man accused of raping two different women. There was a lot of evidence against him. He liked to use roofies,” Rafael said, peeking over at Liv. She wasn’t stupid, and realization began to dawn on her face. “I got him off of all the charges.  _ I _ put him back out on the street where he could hurt people. I let him hurt  _ you _ .” He started to cry again, and Liv pulled him close, leaning her head down against his as she rubbed his back. His breath was hitching as he tried not to lose it, but he was carrying around all this guilt for so long. “I’ve hated myself for it for years. I’ve spent so much time trying to right what I’ve done wrong.” 

“Rafa, you changed. You’ve done so much good. I don’t blame you for this,” Liv whispered. “This was not your fault.” 

“But, Liv,” he sobbed. 

“Honey, calm down,” Liv whispered. Their faces were so close, and Rafael felt comforted there in her arms. They both needed comfort. 

It had been such an emotional night. Rafael was laying there, trying to calm down, but he felt better with her. “Are you sure you’re okay? I can’t believe he tried to...I’m just so glad that nothing happened.” 

“Nothing happened because of you. This whole time, Rafa. I am so grateful for you,” Liv whispered. “You’ve dropped everything this week to help me, and I don’t know what I would have done without you.” 

“I’m glad I could help,” he whispered. 

“I’m really tired right now, but tomorrow, I’m going to buy you a nice, big dinner,” Liv said. 

“Are you sure you want me to stay?” Rafael asked softly. 

“Yes, please,” Liv whispered. “I just feel better with you here right now.” 

“Okay,” he whispered as she turned onto her other side. He shut his eyes, turning to face away from her. He was just so grateful that Liv was safe. Being there with her, in bed, was a comfort to him. He didn’t have to wonder or worry. She was right there. With him. 

……………………………..

When Rafael woke up, He and Liv were leaned against each other. They had apparently shifted around at some point in the middle of the night. It was comfortable, but he was still upset. He sat up, rubbing his face tiredly. So much had happened the day before. Rafael wanted to call the police and have the son of a bitch arrested, but he wasn’t sure what Liv wanted. He was going to have to speak with her when she woke up. There wasn’t any easy way to prove who had slipped the roofie into her drink though, and there weren’t any cameras in the building. 

He grabbed the glass that was on the nightstand, going to fill it up so Liv would have a drink. She was going to feel lousy when she woke up. The doctor said she might feel after effects for a few days. He was glad that she was mostly done with her presentations at the conference. They still had to attend and listen to others, but Liv wasn’t going to have to speak much. They had a joint presentation later on, but it was much closer to the end of the week, and Rafael was more like Liv’s assistant than her partner up there. 

When he made it back to the bed, Liv blinked at him a few times, waking up. “Hey,” he whispered. 

“Hi,” she said back. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked. 

“Not great,” she said. 

“You can go back to sleep for a little bit if you want,” he said. “I got you some water.” Liv sat up and drank the water. 

“Will you stay here with me?” she asked softly. “I don’t want to get out of bed yet.” 

“Yeah,” he replied. “We have a few hours until we need to be anywhere. I’m here.” He crawled back into bed with her, and she leaned against him, shutting her eyes after she set the glass down on the nightstand once more. “Do you want to watch some tv?” he asked softly. 

“Sure,” Liv whispered. He turned it on, keeping the volume low. “Rafa,” she whispered. 

“Hmm, sweetheart?” he asked softly. 

“Last night was fun,” she whispered. 

“Minus the part where you were drugged and in the hospital?” He asked softly, and she laughed. 

“At least I was with you,” Liv whispered. He smiled a little bit. “Really though, I had a very nice time.” 

“I did too,” Rafael said softly. “I’m glad we’re here together at least.” 

“I know you sort of hate these things,” Liv said. 

“I don’t mind learning more about sexual assault and educating myself, but these things are usually very political,” Rafael said. 

“You picked the wrong profession to hate politics,” Liv said. 

“I’m not the DA,” Rafael said softly. “I make it work.” 

“I know you do,” Liv said softly. “You’re very good at the charm and charisma.” 

“Think I could win an election?” He asked softly. 

“I know you could,” Liv said softly. “You’d make a good judge.” 

“Thanks,” He whispered. Liv was the only one he’d told about what his Grandmother used to say to him. “Um….Liv,” he whispered. 

“Yeah?” She asked. 

“Do you want me to call the police? I wasn’t sure what you needed last night,” Rafael said softly. “But maybe we should report what happened.” 

“Rafa,” Liv whispered. “I don’t know.” 

“Hey,” he whispered. “What would you tell me to do?” 

“I’d tell you to call the police,” Liv said admitted. She looked away though. “I don’t know though, Rafa. It’s just that they’re not going to be able to get him on it. There’s no way to prove that it was him.” 

“A police report would help later though if we could get him on something,” Rafael said. 

“I’ll think about it,” Liv said softly. 

Rafael let her leave it at that. He didn’t want to push her too hard especially so soon after what had happened. 

He kissed Liv’s temple, squeezing her into a hug before getting up. “I’m going to grab a shower.” 

“Okay,” Liv whispered. 

……………………….

Liv looked much better by the time the talks wrapped up. The morning had been rough. Liv had been throwing up when he got out of the shower, and all he could do was rub her back and get her more water. He’d gone downstairs to get her something to eat, and she’d managed to keep down some toast. 

Now, they were finally done with the presentations for the day. They’d spent the entire time passing notes back and forth and smiling at each other. Some of it was for show, but she really was great at making him smile. They both wanted to call it a night early after all the excitement from the night before. Liv had decided she would make a call to the local precinct later. He wasn’t sure if he believed her, but he wasn’t pushing. 

They were walking out of the conference room, Liv holding his hand when they were stopped by a woman who was middle aged. “Excuse me, are you Lieutenant Benson and Mr. Barba?” she asked. They glanced at each other. 

“Yes,” Liv said finally. 

“I keep hearing about you two,” she said with a big smile. “My husband and I are having a few couples over for some games and drinks. We were wondering if you’d like to join us.” 

Rafael really wanted to go get a nap, and he was sure Liv was tired, but he didn’t feel like they had much of a choice. He glanced at her. “Sure,” Liv said for the both of them. “What time do we need to come?” 

“I think we’re going to start around six. We’ll order some food. It’ll be fun,” the woman said. “Room 220.” 

“Thanks,” Rafael said. “See you there.” 

When they were alone again, he squeezed Liv’s hand. “Maybe it’ll be fun,” she said softly. 

“I just want to sleep,” he groaned. 

“I know,” Liv said. “But let’s go back and get changed. We have enough time to relax for an hour.” 

“Okay,” Rafael said, letting her lead him back toward the room. 

…………………………..

Rafael was lagging behind Liv as they walked up to the door. She pulled at his hand, and he sighed. “Come on,” Liv said. “It won’t be that bad. Maybe we can even duck out of here early at some point.” 

“Okay,” Rafael whispered. He pulled at the hem of his henley. They were both dressed casually; Rafael was wearing jeans and the long sleeve shirt, and Liv also had on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. It was a little bit chilly inside the hotel with all the air conditioning. “They might let us go if we get all drunk and we do lots of PDA.” 

Liv wrinkled her nose, but nodded. “Maybe we can pull that card out later.” He smiled a little bit, coming closer as the woman opened the door and ushered the two of them in. 

“I’m Sue. My husband, Henry is picking up some last minute things, and there are two other couples here. We thought we might play a few games. There’s scotch and wine,” she said. “And we’re going to get some food in a little bit.” 

“Great,” Liv said. Rafael was trying to just smile and not complain. He was starving. Liv rubbed his back, sensing his annoyance. “Sit down,” she whispered. “I’m gonna get you a scotch.” 

“Thanks,” Rafael whispered, peeking around them before he planted a kiss on her lips. She melted into it, but it was over before it had really begun. He wanted a head start on the PDA, or at least, that’s what he told himself. He took a seat in one of the chairs that was set up, and there was an empty one beside him for Liv. There were two men there, one of which looked like his wife or girlfriend had dragged him along. Rafael was almost positive he was a police officer. The second man looked a little more polished, but Rafael couldn’t tell if he was some sort of lab tech, a lawyer, or if he was just there his significant other. There was one woman he saw so far, and she was pretty, but she didn’t hold a candle to Liv. She came back, sitting beside him and handing him a glass. She had wine, and he held her hand, looking over at her with an easy smile. 

“Are you two newly engaged?” the bigger man asked. Rafael was sure he was a detective. 

“It’s fairly new,” Liv said. “We’ve been dating for awhile though.” 

“That’s sweet,” the woman who was there with the detective said. “Trent and I got married last year. I’m Chelsea.” 

“Hi,” Rafael said. “I’m Rafael, and I’m sure you all know who my better half is.” Liv blushed. 

“Rafa,” she whispered. 

“What?” he asked. “You’re amazing.” 

“Rafa,” she said again, and he knew he was embarrassing her, but he couldn’t help talking her up. She looked at the other man who was there. “What’s your name?” 

“Eli. My fiance, Brandon, is just in the bathroom,” he said with a smile. 

“When are you planning your wedding?” Rafael asked, wondering if that was something engaged couples talked about. 

“Next summer,” he said. “We want to get married on the beach. How about you two?” 

“We’re still trying to settle on a date,” Rafael said. “Sometimes it’s hard with work. I think it would be nice to get married her in Manhattan. It’s where we met, but I’ll be happy anywhere. I’m marrying Olivia.” 

“Rafael,” Liv whispered. “You’re making me blush tonight.” 

“Sorry, honey,” he said softly. Sue came over, interrupting. 

“Henry will be back soon with food, and we have some fun games to play. We thought this was a good way to pass some time since we’re all here for the week,” Sue said. Rafael saw Brandon sit down out of the corner of his eye, and he put a hand on Eli’s thigh. Rafael loved it when Liv did that to him. It made him shiver every single time. He was still having a hard time keeping himself in check when Liv touched him so casually. There were times when he had to force himself to think of his mother or case files or anything that would give him some extra room in his pants. 

He hoped that Liv hadn’t noticed his reactions; that would mortify him. She wasn’t dense though. He hoped she would chalk it up to his nonexistent love life. He really was a bit touch starved. Every touch from Liv felt like heaven on earth, and maybe that was partially due to the fact that he loved her, but it was also because people didn’t touch him lovingly often. 

When he checked back in to the conversation, they were all talking about their jobs. This whole situation was weird to him. He was thinking about it as he brushed the back of his fingers over Liv’s arm. He had his arm around her. He was finally allowed to touch her so casually the way he had wanted to for so damn long. It almost hurt how much he loved her, and he had always imagined they could have something like this. 

“I’m a lab tech in Maryland,” Eli said, and that was really the first thing Rafael heard of the conversation. 

“I work in real estate,” Brandon said. They looked at Liv and Rafael. “We all know what you do,” they said, glancing at her. “How about you, Rafael?” 

“I’m SVU’s ADA,” Rafael said. “It’s where we met.” 

“That’s sweet,” Chelsea said. 

“She’s taught me so much over the years,” Rafael said. “When I say better half, I truly mean it.” 

“Rafa,” Liv protested again. “He’s got a thing for words.” 

“Glad I got something out of that Harvard education,” Rafael said. “And you said you’d never date a lawyer.” 

“I didn’t mean you,” Liv whispered. Rafael swallowed, looking over into her brown eyes. He wished that she wasn’t just saying that. He loved her. He had to look away, hoping she didn’t see the depth of his feelings for her shining in his green eyes. 

Just then, the door opened, and Henry was back with the food. Rafael was grateful, and he got himself a hoagie. They ate and talked for a little while, and they it was time to play a few games. 

There were white boards and they were playing a game where there was a question about one of them and they both had to answer it and see if they had the same answer. Rafael thought it was cheesy, and he glanced at Liv, a little bit of worry in his eyes. She squeezed his hand. He uncapped his marker, waiting for the first question. He and Liv had to face each other, so they couldn’t see the other’s white board. 

The first question was surprisingly easy for them. There were two piles of cards and one decided which partner the question was about. They designated them by right and left. The first card said right, so it was about Liv in their case, and the second card asked what her favorite coffee was. Rafael peeked over at her, smiling before he started writing on his board. He was smirking when they revealed their answers. Both of their boards said  _ latte _ , and Liv smiled at him. 

They were both competitive, so as they continued to answer questions, they got more and more intense. Rafael’s dream job was also fairly easy. They both smiled at each other when they flipped their boards to reveal the word  _ judge _ . Rafael was a little taken aback at how much they actually knew about each other as the game continued. Question after question, they answered correctly. 

Liv’s dream travel location:  _ Paris _ . 

If Rafael liked Coke or Pepsi better:  _ Coke. _

Rafael’s pet peeve:  _ clicking pens _ . 

When they took a look at each other's boards, they both started laughing. Liv had figured out Rafael’s pet peeve when they were all working on a case late into the night, and Carisi kept clicking the pen he was using to take notes. It had gone on and on until Rafael had literally plucked the pen out of her detective’s hand, and given him one with a cap instead. When Carisi tapped that one on the table, she had been sure Rafael was going to rip his head off. 

The game went on, and they were killing everyone else. When it circled back to Liv’s pet peeve though, Rafael wasn’t entirely sure what to write down. There were little things that annoyed her, but he wasn’t entirely sure what she would think of first. After a few moments, he gave up on really finding the answer, and he wrote down something he knew would put a hilarious look on Liv’s face. When they had to flip the boards, Liv peeked over at his, and she glared at him in a way that made him laugh. He smirked back. 

“Toxic masculinity,” Liv said, and he grinned again. 

“You can’t say it’s not true,” Rafael said softly. Everyone else was laughing, and Liv was still glaring in his direction. 

“Ha ha,” she said. “You’re hilarious.” Rafael leaned over to kiss her and make up, and she rolled her eyes, but she kissed him anyways, and it made him feel warm inside. 

“Sorry, sweetheart,” Rafael said. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, but now you’re taking me out to dinner tomorrow,” Liv said. 

“Yes, dear,” he said softly, and everyone laughed at them. Rafael was having more fun than he expected, and every time he looked at Liv, he felt happier and happier. She made him so damn happy, and all he wanted to do was kiss her for the rest of his life and tell her how beautiful she was. He wanted her to know that he was serious, that this was real. It wasn’t just a game. It wasn’t an act. He was hopelessly, completely, recklessly in love with her, and he wasn’t going to be able to move on. He was resigned to being miserable for the rest of eternity if it meant that she would be happy though. He was okay letting her go if she didn’t love him. He was okay doing whatever she needed of him even if it was going to destroy him inside. All he wanted was for Liv to always smile like that even if it wasn’t at him. 

Eventually, he was getting tired, and he wanted to go back to the hotel. They were drinking a lot, and he decided it was about time to put his plan into place. They had already won the game, and everyone was just talking. Rafael scooted closer to Liv, putting his hand on her leg and leaning over for a kiss. She stared at him for a second, raising an eyebrow before she kissed him. He started palming at her breast over her shirt, and she grabbed his wrist. He was glad she’d stopped him because he could feel his pants tightening. “I think someone’s had a little much to drink,” Liv said. “Thank you guys for having us. I’m going to take him home though and get him in bed.” 

“Can we take our clothes off first?” Rafael asked obnoxiously, and he could see the amusement in Liv’s eyes. 

“Rafa, shut up,” Liv said, dragging him up. Thankfully, everyone else was laughing. Rafael stumbled to sell it, but Liv helped steady him, dragging him out the door. Once they were in the hallway, they were both laughing. “You could’ve just been civilized and said you wanted to leave because you were tired,” she whispered. “You didn’t have to feel me up.” 

“It was more fun that way,” he teased, winking at her, and she laughed. 

“Come on, let’s get back. I really am tired,” Liv said. He nodded. They walked back to the room, laughing together, holding hands, and he wasn’t sure why they were still doing it, but neither of them were talking about it. Liv opened the door to her room, and he followed her inside. He stood in the middle of the room awkwardly. “That was fun,” Liv said softly, sitting down on her bed. 

“Yeah, it was good,” Rafael said. 

“I didn’t quite realize we knew that much about each other,” Liv said softly. 

“Me neither,” Rafael said. “We’ve been working together for years though.” 

“True,” Liv said, smiling. 

“So, where am I taking you out?” he asked. She looked confused for a moment before a smile spread across her face. 

“I’m not sure yet, but you’re definitely in trouble mister,” Liv teased, coming over and crowding his space. He smiled. 

“You’ll have to punish me,” he murmured before he remembered their situation and who he was talking to. Liv was really close to him, and he felt his face heating up. He tried not to think about what he’d just said. Liv seemed to be coming to the same realizations. 

She laughed it off, backing away, and he was ready to retreat to his room. He said goodnight, glad when he could shut the adjoining door behind him. 

He needed a cold shower. Again. 

……………………………………

Rafael was in his room, taking a nap when he got the phone call. He was supposed to take Liv out to dinner in a few hours, but he was resting beforehand. He was laying in bed when his phone started to ring, pulling him from the fog of sleep. He reached for his phone, wanting to turn it off, but when he blinked, he saw Liv’s face flashing across the screen, and he pulled the phone up to his ear. “Hello?” he asked groggily. 

“Rafa, I need you to come over to my room,” Liv said softly. Her voice sounded shaken in a way that he recognized immediately. He’d only heard that tone of voice a select few times. He was suddenly very awake. 

“I’m coming,” he said immediately, standing up and yanking on some pants before he went to their adjoining door. He was almost scared to open the door. Anything that could shake Liv scared the hell out of him. Liv opened the door, and he could see that she wasn’t really okay. He could see it on her face--in her eyes, and all he could do was take her shaking hand into his. “Liv,” he whispered. “What happened?” 

“He was following me, Rafa,” she whispered, and he pulled her close, holding her against his chest. He felt himself shaking with anger and rage. He should have insisted they call the police. He wanted to kill the bastard for laying a hand on her, but he forced himself to take a deep breath. 

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” he asked softly. He was stroking his hand over her hair. 

“I--I’m okay,” Liv said. “Just shaken.” 

“Are you sure? Liv, I’ll go kill him right now if he touched you,” Rafael whispered. 

“I’m alright,” Liv whispered. 

“Here, sit down,” he whispered. “I’ll get you some tea.” 

“Wait,” Liv said, and she just pressed her face against his shirt, and he held her until she was alright on her own. 

“I’ll be right back,” he promised. He ran downstairs and bought her a hot tea, hoping it would help her calm down. She was sitting on the edge of the bed when he came back, and he wrapped an arm around her. She drank her tea, and he rubbed her back. She wasn’t fighting him, and that scared him. Liv wasn’t very touchy, feely. She liked to hide her emotions, but he could see how scared she was, and she was leaning into the comfort. The whole week had been like that, and he wasn’t sure what to do or to think. 

“I just wanted to get some ice,” Liv said. “I thought maybe we could share some scotch, but I could feel him following me.” She took another sip of tea, rubbing her hand up and down the cup. “He cornered me in the ice room, and he shoved me against the wall. I punched him in the face, and he staggered back. His nose was bleeding. I pulled my gun, and...and he left. I’m fine. He didn’t hurt me.” 

“You’re fine,” Rafael agreed. “It’s okay.” The look on her face told him that she wasn’t okay. He wondered if she still thought about William Lewis. He knew she probably did. He wondered if she was thinking about it now. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he said softly. 

“Thank you for coming over here. I don’t know--this was stupid. I’m sorry I bothered you,” Liv said softly. 

“You didn’t bother me,” he said. “Here, maybe we should go relax a little bit. I hear there’s a hot tub downstairs.” 

“A hot tub?” Liv asked, and he smiled. 

“Yeah, a hot tub,” he replied. She seemed to think about it for a few long moments before she finally agreed. 

“I did bring my bathing suit. I guess we can,” she said softly. He smiled in a way that he hoped was comforting. 

“Great, I’ll go change, and then we can head down,” Rafael said. Liv nodded, still drinking her tea. Rafael changed into his swim trunks, pulling on a tee shirt to cover up the scars on his chest and back. He didn’t really like to go around without a shirt, partially because of the weight he’d gained, but he also hated people staring. He wondered if Liv felt the same way. He’d seen some of her scars in pictures from the Lewis trial. They were branded in his memory. 

When he went back into Liv’s room, she was dressed in her bathing suit, and Rafael thought she looked absolutely beautiful. It was modest and covered a lot of her skin, but she made it look amazing. 

“Ready?” He asked softly. Liv nodded, taking his hand as they walked down to the pool. He could feel the tension in her muscles. She was upset, and he knew it. He squeezed her hand as they rode in the elevator, but she was quiet. There wasn’t anyone in the pool area when they made it down there. Rafael dropped their towels over by the hot tub, and he climbed in the water. There were jets in the water, and the pressure felt good against Rafael’s back. He was tired from sitting still for so long, and it made him sore. Liv climbed in after him, sitting close to him but not too close. They sat quietly for awhile, calming down until he heard people coming in the door to the pool. Rafael turned, and thankfully, it wasn’t Liv’s stalker. Rafael would have beaten the shit out of him if he could have. There were people from the conference though, and he felt Liv slide closer to him. Now, their legs were touching. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and Liv leaned into him. Her cheek was pressed against his chest, and he rubbed her back, realizing she might actually need some comfort still. 

It was a couple of moments before Eli and Brandon slid into the hot tub across from them. “Hey,” Eli said. 

“Oh, hi,” Rafael replied. He was rubbing his hand up and down over Liv’s side now. “How are you guys?” 

“Pretty good. Ready to head home though. A week is too long,” Brandon said. 

“Way too long,” Liv agreed softly. Rafael pressed a kiss to the top of her head. 

“You okay, Liv?” Eli asked. 

“Yeah,” Liv said softly. 

“There’s just this guy who’s been giving her some trouble,” Rafael said. “It escalated a little bit earlier.” 

“At a police conference?” Brandon asked. Rafael nodded. “Wait….is it that creepy guy who keeps following you two around.” Rafael wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t imagine someone else was following them. 

“Yeah, it’s him,” Rafael said. “We’re more than ready to get out of here.” 

“I don’t want him to get his ass kicked for me,” Liv said. 

“I think Rafael could take that creep. Look at his eye,” Brandon said. Rafael laughed. They didn’t know that the creep was the one who’d given him the black eye in the first place. 

“I’m a little clumsy when I’m drunk,” Rafael said softly. He could still feel Liv shaking slightly in his arms, and he squeezed her a little bit. She finally relaxed, and she seemed to feel better the longer they sat there with Eli and Brandon. 

“Let us buy you guys a drink,” Eli said. “Sounds like you’ve had a tough day.” 

“Sure,” Rafael agreed after a few seconds. “Scotch if they have it.” He half expected Liv to order a cabernet, but she asked for scotch as well. That scared him a little bit. It was nice to sip a drink in the hot tub like that, and then Liv was perilously close to him. He knew she was playing it up for the people who were there with them, but he was struggling. Whenever she was close to him, he felt overwhelmed by her, overwhelmed by all the fantasies he’d ever conjured up in his head about Liv. She was so close to him now, and they were faking intimacy that he’d wanted for forever. The more Liv drank, the closer she got to him, and then, she was in his lap, and they were in warm water. He could feel the smooth, bare skin of her legs against his own. The weight of her body was on his leg, not his erection thankfully because he was rapidly hardening. 

Eli and Brandon had kissed a few times, but they were definitely not going all out with the PDA like Rafael and Liv were. It was mostly Liv really. Rafael wasn’t complaining, and he was playing along, but he wasn’t sure what she was trying to accomplish by this. Liv slid into his lap further when more people came into the pool. He had to bite his lip to stop himself from groaning out loud. Liv was kissing his neck now, and he leaned down to catch her lips. 

“Someone’s feeling better,” Brandon teased, and Rafael laughed. He rubbed Liv’s back, and she kept kissing over his jaw and down to his collar bones. 

“Liv,” he whispered. 

“Just--just let me,” she murmured back against his neck. He let out a breathy little noise when her lips ghosted over a particularly sensitive patch of skin. 

“Liv,” he whispered again, more desperation in his voice. He knew he sounded strained. He was losing control of himself, his hips jerking up as he humped her leg a little bit. He felt his face burning. “Sorry,” he mumbled against her shoulder. Liv laughed softly, and he shut his eyes. “Maybe we should go back to the room. I think you’ve had a little much to drink.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Liv whispered, giving him a suggestive look, and he shook his head. 

“I think you need to get in bed,” Rafael whispered. 

“No, let’s stay here for awhile,” Liv whispered. 

“Liv,” Rafael whispered. 

“Fifteen more minutes,” she argued. 

“Okay, fine,” Rafael whispered. “Fifteen minutes.” She backed off of him a little bit, and it was nice when she leaned her head against his chest. He kissed over her hair, shutting his eyes and enjoying their close proximity. He still felt like he was going to explode, but Liv wasn’t kissing him anymore, and she wasn’t pressing her weight against his crotch, so it was manageable. 

He was thinking about anything possible to get himself to calm down, but he couldn’t seem to get his body under control. Liv was still on top of him, and he felt like he could barely breathe right. He tried to scoot away a little bit, but Liv didn’t let him. He leaned over by her ear, his voice cracking slightly. “We need to leave.” 

“Okay, okay, fine,” she said. Rafael said goodbye to Eli and Brandon, guiding Liv toward the exit. Liv had a satisfied looking smile on her face, especially when Rafael had to hold the towel in front of his crotch to try and shield the bulge there from everyone else. In the elevator, he couldn’t meet her eyes. “Sorry,” she said softly. “I wasn’t trying to embarrass you.”

“What  _ were _ you trying to accomplish?” he asked a little harsher than he meant to. 

“Get us an excuse to leave. I got a little carried away. Sorry,” she said again. He nodded. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to react so strongly,” he said. He cleared his throat slightly. “It’s just been awhile, and….I’m sorry.” He was sure his cheeks were bright red. 

“No, don’t apologize. It was a physical reaction. We’re good?” Liv asked. 

“We’re good,” Rafael agreed. The whole situation still bothered him. He figured Liv could have just suggested leaving instead of ambushing him like that, and he hated the way that his body had reacted. He hated himself for it. They both went in through Liv’s door, and Rafael went over to his room, laying down on the bed again after he changed into a dry shirt and some boxers. 

Liv appeared after a little while with a pizza and two beers, settling onto the bed beside him wordlessly, and she turned the tv on. “Pizza?” she asked. He sighed and sat up, taking a piece and eating it as they watched some tv. They both deserved a little bit of comfort food and time to relax. 

………………………….

Rafael stayed by Liv’s side throughout the talks. He didn’t want to give the man any chance to bother Olivia. He was tired, and he wanted to go back to New York. Liv agreed to head back to the rooms right after the talks. Neither of them were in the mood for socializing. He could see that she was tired as well. 

He was sitting in his room, scrolling around on his phone when Liv texted him. He ignored it for a little while, trying to quell his racing heart. Even a text from her could make him feel shaky and overly excited inside, and he hated it. He hated his stupid emotions, and he hated all his feelings. He wished that it wasn’t so hard. He wished that he didn’t love Olivia because things would be so much simpler. He could be a good best friend, and he wouldn’t risk losing everything. He hated that he was scared to even look at her sometimes. He was scared she’d see just how much she meant to him in his eyes. 

When he finally looked at the text, he sighed. 

_ Come over. I want someone to talk to. _

He thought about it for a long moment, and he considered telling her he was tired which was true. He thought about taking a hot shower, letting off some steam, and then crawling into bed early, but he couldn’t abandon Liv when she wanted to talk to him. He couldn’t say no to her. He couldn’t ever say no. 

He pushed himself up to his feet, shedding his vest on the bed. His sleeves were rolled up, and he’d ditched the tie and jacket as soon as he got in the door. He walked over to the adjoining door, and he hesitated another second before knocking. 

“Come in!” Liv called. Rafael opened the door, and he felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Liv was laying on the hotel bed, wearing this white tank top that scooped low, showing off more skin than he was used to. His mouth felt completely dry. He could see the marks in her skin, the scars that she usually covered up, and he felt angry. He wanted to bring William Lewis back from the dead so he could make him pay. “Hey,” Liv whispered. She was also wearing very tight, very small black shorts. Her hair was down, laying over her shoulders, and she looked amazing. 

He felt stuck, like he couldn’t make his legs work, and suddenly, the room felt hot. He pulled at the collar of his shirt. “Hey,” he whispered, his voice unsteady. 

“Don’t just stand there,” Liv whispered. “Come over here.” Her voice was mesmerizing, almost as much as her body, and he felt dizzy. He took a few steps toward the bed, and Liv beckoned him over. He knew he was tense as he sat beside her. 

“What--What do you want to talk about?” he asked softly. He wasn’t even sure what the hell she said in reply. He was too focused on her lips and the way her hand was resting on his leg, and he felt like he was in a trance as he leaned forward connecting their lips. Everything--all the tension from the week, all his emotions, all the pent of feelings--had pushed him to this point. He kissed Liv, and he was terrified that she was going to push him away, but then she didn’t, and he couldn’t stop. 

His right hand rested against the back of her neck, just over her hair, and the left was curled over her rib cage, keeping her close to him as they kissed. Her lips were soft against his own, and she was the one to press her tongue into his mouth. He groaned deeply, and then Liv was half on top of him, and all he wanted to do was feel her skin and get lost in her forever. He never wanted to stop kissing her. He felt Liv’s fingers sifting through his hair, and then her fingers were popping the buttons of his shirt from their holes, and he was more aroused than he could ever remember. He couldn’t even think. 

He was rocking his body against hers just slightly when Liv’s phone started blaring from the night stand. It felt like a punch in the face when Liv pulled away, and he snapped back to reality. His mind was racing. What had he just done? What had they just done? 

His chest was still heaving, and he was trying to get a grip on himself as his thoughts and emotions spiraled out of control. “It’s Noah,” Liv said. That was all the warning he had before she answered. “Hey, Lucy, yeah, put him on. Hey sweet boy.” Rafael could hear Noah’s voice, and then Liv was sitting down next to him. He didn’t know what to do. 

He couldn’t breathe. He was trying his best to get control of himself. “What are you doing?” Noah asked softly, his voice filtering through the phone. 

“Uncle Rafa and I were just going to watch a movie,” Liv said, and he knew she had panicked. He was panicking as she turned the camera toward him, but he put a smile on his face. 

“Hi, Uncle Rafa!” Noah exclaimed. 

“Hey, buddy,” Rafael said, hoping he didn’t seem as off kilter as he felt. 

“Why’s your shirt unbuttoned, Uncle Rafa?” Noah asked. Rafael wanted to curse at himself for skimping out on the tee shirt that morning. It was hot in the conference room sometimes though, and he hadn’t been in the mood to sweat through his clothes. He cleared his throat. 

“It’s a little hot in the room, Noah,” Liv said. “I think the air conditioning is broken.” Rafael was blushing, thinking about kissing Liv again. He wanted to turn the phone off and do it again, but he knew that was wrong. Liv had been having a rough couple of days. A really rough week. He had taken advantage of that. It had pushed her to accepting his affection even though he didn’t think it was what she really wanted. 

It felt like they hadn’t actually kissed. It felt hazy like some sort of dream almost, but it was real. Rafael felt sick to his stomach. He needed to get some air. He definitely needed to get away from Liv for a little bit to figure out how the hell he was going to apologize to her. He needed to fix this, but he couldn’t fix it now. Liv was talking to Noah, and she wasn’t really looking at him at the moment, so he stood up, heading to the door and opening it. He closed it softly, locking the door because he needed the privacy. 

He was holding back tears as he undressed himself, laying down on the bed. How could he do that to her? She was emotional and vulnerable, and he hadn’t even considered that before he kissed her. They had been well on their way to doing something unwise before Noah had called, and he was to blame. 

He heard when Liv knocked on the door, and he heard his phone dinging with texts from her, but he pretended he was asleep and ignored it. 

What had he done?

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

He hadn’t slept well at all the night before. He couldn’t stop thinking about all the ways he had fucked up. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way Liv kissed him back, and he wished that it was real. He wished she really felt that way. He would give anything to hear her say that she loved him, but for her to say it the same way he did. For it to mean something. 

He was embarrassed that he’d kissed her like that. He knew she wasn’t in a good spot. She hadn’t been all week. She was vulnerable and emotional from all the excitement in the last few days. She’d been in the hospital, and she’d been forced to pull her gun on someone. Even the way she’d dressed last night had been uncharacteristic. He knew she went to great lengths to cover her scars because he did the same. She had definitely dressed more modestly since Lewis, and he knew what it could do to you to feel like you scars defined you. To remember everything that happened to you every time you looked at them. He wished Liv hadn’t been forced to deal with that. 

He didn’t know what the hell to do. He still needed to spend the whole day at the conference with her before he could sneak home and duck her calls for a month until they both forgot about this entire fiasco. Liv only knocked on his door a few moments before they had to leave to get down to the conference in time. It was pretty much wrapping up at this point. There was a dinner later that was more casual. Their plane didn’t leave until the next afternoon. 

He answered the door, following Liv wordlessly outside. “Rafa,” she said softly, but he just kept walking. “Rafa, I want to fix this.” 

“It’s fine,” he said, and he didn’t say anything more. Liv finally let it go with a sigh, reaching for his hand and squeezing as they walked. He squeezed back. They didn’t talk much at all at first, but then Liv casually started joking with him, and he let her. They ignored the elephant in the room, and it was okay. Their last talk was short, and they made it work. 

Afterwards, Liv dragged him out for some lunch. He picked at his sandwich, but Liv didn’t press him. She knew he was already upset. They talked a little bit, but it was hardly normal, and Rafael hated himself for being so caught up in his own feelings, but he couldn’t help it. He loved Olivia, and he had kissed her. She had been unbuttoning his shirt and kissing him back, but she couldn’t feel the same way. He’d have seen it before. All of the emotions of the weekend told him that he couldn’t trust her actions. 

He wished he could trust them because she had given him what he wanted all along. He loved her so much that it hurt him. He couldn’t stop wallowing even when Liv left him alone for the afternoon. He took a long shower, thinking about the way she’d kissed him back. He wasn’t proud of the soapy hand he wrapped around his erection. He didn’t let himself linger or enjoy it too much, and he did his best not to remember his kiss with Liv. He just wanted to get it over with, to get some frustration out. 

He moped in bed for awhile after that, not even bothering to dress himself. Liv didn’t text him or try to come over. He only heard his phone ding when it was getting close to time for dinner. He groped around for it, looking at the screen. It was only Liv asking if he was coming or not. He dragged himself up from his bed, dressing himself in jeans and a henley this time. It was a casual event. Liv met him at the door in leggings and a tee shirt, and he thought she looked gorgeous. 

“Hi,” he said softly, trying to break some of the silence. If they were going to spend the evening together, he didn’t want it to be too awkward. 

“Are you okay?” Liv asked softly, and he could see the worry in her eyes. 

“Yes,” he whispered. “Sorry about earlier.” 

“It’s okay,” Liv whispered. “Are you ready to go?” 

“Yeah,” Rafael said, reaching for her hand. It felt right to hold her hand and walk with her. 

“I’m so glad we’re going home soon,” Liv said. 

“Yes, I’m ready to go back to New York,” Rafael said. “More than ready. This has been exhausting.” 

“It wasn’t so bad though,” Liv replied, and he smiled at her. 

“It wasn’t so bad,” he agreed. He looked away shyly, walking with her down to the lobby. They were all meeting at a bar for dinner. The cab ride over was quiet, but it wasn’t tense. They seemed to have been able to ease the tension from before at least temporarily. 

They ordered drinks when they made it inside, and Rafael was determined to keep an eye on Liv’s drink; he was not interested in a repeat performance of the other night. They spent their evening talking with Eli and Brandon, and the food was good. After eating, Rafael ordered another round of drinks. He couldn’t stop thinking about kissing Liv, and it was getting harder and harder to not think about the way her lips felt. 

Liv was drinking with him, and every single time he looked at her, he wanted to kiss her more. He could feel some of her unease as well. He had always been able to read her. He wasn’t sure what was bothering her, but they both drank. They kept drinking, and then they danced for a little bit, and Rafael let himself lean his forehead against Liv’s. It was all for show, but at the same time, it wasn’t. He was saying goodbye. He was saying goodbye to their little ruse, and he was saying goodbye to any chance of this ever happening. He had been holding out for something that wasn’t going to happen for far too long, and he knew he needed to stop. This had to be it. 

He could tell Liv was upset about something, but he wasn’t sure if it was simply because she could tell he was a mess right now, or there really was something bothering her. As they danced, he felt the way her body was pressed up against his, and thought about the way it felt as she unbuttoned his shirt, freeing bare skin. He needed another drink. 

………………………….

Rafael’s head was aching. He squinted at the light streaming in the window, but he closed his eyes once more, trying to banish the queasy feeling in his stomach. It was one of those mornings where all he wanted to do was roll over and shut his eyes again, but he couldn’t remember when their flight left, and he really needed to get up and figure out what the hell had happened the night before. He didn’t remember anything past drinking himself stupid at dinner. 

He blinked again, trying to roll over, but he realized he wasn’t alone. His heart was beating out of his chest. He was terrified to open his eyes and see what stupid thing he’d done. He could only imagine his drunk, lonely, moping self picking up some random partner from a bar after dinner. Did Liv see him? Did she know he went and slept with someone in the room right next to hers? 

He barely ever went home with random people, and now he was too scared to look and see someone other than Liv in his bed because Liv was the only person he really wanted. He was praying that he could just apologize profusely and get the hell out of the situation. He only hoped Liv didn’t hear or see anything, but was sure that he wasn’t that lucky. 

He hated himself. How was he going to fix this? What would Liv think of him? He took a few deep breaths, forcing himself to open his eyes, and he felt like he was going to faint. He had to be dreaming--hallucinating even. Olivia was not in bed with him. That was not her arm thrown over his belly. That wasn’t her bare leg touching his under the sheets. That was not Liv. 

Those weren’t her brown eyes that opened, looking up at him. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. He blinked, and Liv’s expression went from peaceful to worried in seconds. His mouth fell open, but he couldn’t seem to get any words out. “Shit, Rafa,” she whispered, laying a hand over her forehead. “What did we do?” He still couldn’t talk. She had rolled onto her back, and she wasn’t touching him anymore. He felt empty inside. 

What the hell had he done the night before? He didn’t remember it except for little flashes. Flashes of skin and moonlight streaming through the window. Had he made an ass of himself? What did Liv think of him now? Did she regret what had happened? He needed a stiff drink. “I don’t know,” Rafael whispered, trying not to let his voice break. 

He could feel her eyes on him, and he wasn’t sure what the hell to say or to do. He’d never felt so awkward around Olivia, and he hated it. He felt tears filling his eyes, and he sat up, turning away from Liv, burying his head in his hands. It was quiet in the room, and it was the kind of silence that felt suffocating. The tension was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Rafael felt like he was going to throw up. He’d fucked everything up. When he turned to look at Liv, she looked almost as miserable as he felt. She was staring at her lap, and he felt his breath hitch. He didn’t know how to make this better. He reached down beside the bed, grabbing his boxer briefs and wriggling into them. He had to stand up. He had to move. 

Rafael was pacing now, running fingers through his messy hair, and he was trying his best not to catastrophize, but Liv obviously hated him. She was obviously upset. He had ruined everything. Liv was sitting up in bed, the sheets pooled over her body, covering her skin up. “Rafa, what do you remember from last night?” Liv asked. 

He looked at her, trying to hide his anguish. “I don’t remember much,” Rafael whispered. Her expression shifted after that. She looked less upset, and there was a little bit of hope in her eyes. 

“I think you drank more than I did,” Liv said. 

“I definitely had you beat as far as I remember,” Rafael said. 

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Liv asked. 

“Um, dancing,” Rafael said. “I remember dancing, and then it’s just flashes.” 

“Come sit back down,” Liv said. 

“I need coffee,” he muttered. “Do you want coffee?” 

“Okay,” Liv agreed quietly. 

He hated the pain in her voice, the pain on her face, and he felt completely disgusting and useless. He needed the few minutes he had to himself as he trekked downstairs to get fresh coffee from the breakfast place. He had pulled on some shorts and a tee shirt, only running his fingers through his hair because he didn’t want to take the time to actually clean up. 

When he came back, Liv had his shirt on which wasn’t helping anything. She was sitting up in the bed, sheets covering her legs still, but Rafael didn’t feel like he could talk. He handed her a coffee, sitting back down, and he sipped his drink, trying to calm himself down. He felt like everything was wrong, like it was crumbling around him, and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t have much, but he did have Liv, and he couldn’t lose that friendship. He couldn’t lose her. 

“We danced,” Liv said. “And you looked….you looked upset. We went back to the bar, and you ordered us each a shot.” The pieces were rotating and fitting together in his mind, memories slowly becoming clearer. He vaguely remembered doing a shot but plural. He did lots of shots. He could still remember how he felt. That wasn’t something he had been able to numb no matter how much he tried to drown himself in alcohol. He had been miserable, pitying himself. He had wanted Liv so badly, wanted her to love him the way he loved her. “Do you remember that?” 

“Sort of,” Rafael whispered. 

“What’s the next thing you remember?” Liv asked softly. 

“We kissed,” Rafael said. “In the elevator.” 

_ Liv’s hand was on his ass as he pressed her against the wall in the elevator. He couldn’t stop himself. Her lips were intoxicating, glued to his. He remembered the way her body felt pressed up against his own, and her fingers were in his hair now. All he could think of was getting his hands on her skin.  _

“Well,” Liv said. “We kissed before that. Um, you know who showed up to dinner, and you were drunk, and I was getting there myself. I don’t remember--I don’t remember exactly what happened, but you called the police on him, and there were lights.” Rafael sort of remembered the lights, the red and blue flashing and the officer who told him he might want to lay off the drinks. “Then for some reason, we started kissing,” Liv said. 

“In the elevator?” he asked. 

“No, at the party,” Liv said. 

“Oh,” Rafael said. 

“You don’t remember any of this?” Liv asked, her face falling. Rafael ran his fingers through his hair. 

“I remember some of it,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. My head hurts, and everything just feels so fuzzy.” 

“Oh,” Liv whispered. “Rafa...I think I owe you an apology.” 

“Can we just figure this out? Then you can apologize for whatever you want,” Rafael whispered. He needed to get through this. He needed to get this over with. There was something in Liv’s eyes though, that had shifted. She looked upset, and that did worry him. 

“Yeah,” Liv said softly. 

“We kissed at the party?” he prompted. 

“Yes,” Liv said. She paused, her lips pressed together almost in a purse. “I don’t remember why.” It was quiet for a few moments, and Rafael took another sip of his coffee, trying desperately to calm himself down. “We were kissing, and then we went to a cab, and we kissed more, and you told me to wait, and I said that people were still watching, and you laughed.” 

“I sort of remember that,” Rafael whispered, rubbing tiredly at his face. 

_ Liv was all over him, and he wasn’t complaining. His head was spinning, and he didn’t feel like he could get enough air into his lungs. The cabbie was glaring at them through the mirror, but Rafael didn’t care. He was just confused. There was this thought that kept nagging at him. They weren’t at the party anymore, and he couldn’t remember why that was important. “Wait,” he whispered, and Liv stopped, looking at him with confusion in her eyes.  _

_ “Why?” she asked.  _

_ “We’re….why….” he whispered. “What’s….what’s…”  _

_ “Shh,” Liv whispered, laying her finger over his mouth. “I think they’re still watching.” He started laughing so hard that he forgot what he was worrying about, and he let Liv keep kissing him.  _

“Then we kissed in the elevator,” Rafael said, and Liv nodded. “Then what happened?” 

“We made it to the room,” Liv said. “My room, and we were kissing and making our way over to the bed.” 

“I remember kissing,” Rafael said. He remembered flashes of kissing her, of fumbling around with her clothes, flashes of her beautiful body. He remembered the way she’d pulled at his hair, and he was feeling light headed. “I get the gist of what happened next,” he whispered, cheeks heating up. How had all of this happened? He was never going to be able to get this out of his mind. He’d tasted her, he’d felt her, and he was gone now. There was no going back to their regular friendship. Especially not if she hated him now. 

They were both quiet for a few moments, and Rafael was looking up at the ceiling and trying not to cry. Liv wasn’t saying anything either. Maybe she just wanted to forget about it. Maybe she just wanted him to leave her alone. “Do you want me to leave?” he asked softly. Liv was quiet for a couple of minutes, and Rafael was about ready to go back to his room. He looked over at Liv, and her brown eyes were wide with tears. 

“No,” she whispered. “No, you idiot, I want you to stay.” He stared at her. He certainly couldn’t have heard her right. 

“What?” he whispered. He must be more hungover than he thought. He was certainly imagining things. 

“If you want to,” she whispered, her voice breaking just slightly, and he sat up. 

“I want to stay,” he finally whispered, and Liv’s tears spilled over. 

“Rafa,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry about last night.” 

“Why?” he whispered. 

“You were drunk, more drunk than I realized, and way more drunk than I was. I should have paid more attention to that. Jesus, we put people in jail for that sort of thing,” Liv said. 

“Liv, honey,” he whispered. “I don’t feel like you took advantage of me. I don’t regret what happened.” They both stared at each other for a few moments, and he could finally see the love shining in her eyes. He could finally see what he’d been missing all along. She hadn’t been acting. Just like he hadn’t been. Was this real? 

He stared at her for a couple of minutes. He had thought that maybe it had been a mistake, that maybe Liv thought it was casual, but never in his wildest dreams had he really believed that Liv actually loved him. He wanted to tell her that he loved her so much, but he didn’t want to scare her. He was terrified; his hands shaking, and the words were on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t force them out. 

“Rafa,” she whispered. “I love you.” He felt like his heart was exploding. “I love you, and I don’t want to cause you any pain. Promise me that you’re okay with what happened last night because I will apologize to you over and over again. I’m sorry.” 

“Liv,” he whispered, covering the hand that she’d slid up to cup his cheek. “I love you too. I promise.” Tears were streaming down his cheeks as she leaned in to kiss him, and it was soft, their lips brushing, her tongue sliding against his. The flashes from the night before had him hot and bothered a little bit already, and the more she touched him, the worse it got. He didn’t remember setting his coffee cup down, but it wasn’t in his hands anymore, and all he could focus on was Liv and the way she kissed him. She slid her hands through his hair, and he felt this huge weight lifting from his chest. She loved him. “I’m sorry I don’t remember last night,” he murmured between kisses. 

“It’s okay,” Liv whispered back. “Let’s do something you do remember.” 

“Shouldn’t we talk?” he asked breathlessly, wanting nothing more than to go along with what she wanted. 

“After,” she whispered. He groaned softly when she kissed him again, throwing her leg over his hips and settling against his crotch. She was only wearing panties, and he wished he hadn’t bothered with the shorts. Her weight was heavy and satisfying against him, and the pressure was enough to make his hips jerk when she sucked on his bottom lip. He was cupping her hips, and she gently stroked a finger over the area below his eye. “Does it still hurt?” she asked softly. 

“Only when you touch it,” he whispered, his tone laced with humor. She kissed over the bruise, thumb stroking over his cheek. 

“You’ve been here for me all week,” she whispered. “You’ve been protecting me. You’re always there for me.” 

“You don’t need me to protect you,” he whispered. “But I’m happy to help.” Liv kissed him again, and he clutched at the back of the dress shirt that’d she’d stolen from the floor. All he wanted to do was get it off of her. Liv seemed to read his mind or sense his plea to be more naked because she reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up his torso and off of him. His chest was heaving as he looked at her with dark, dark eyes. Her big brown eyes stared right back at him, and he wondered how someone could have such gorgeous eyes. He was always thinking that about Liv. How was it possible that she was so beautiful? 

She licked over his bottom lip, and he opened up for her, groaning into her mouth softly. She ran her hand over his pec, thumb brushing his nipple and making him jerk. “Is that okay?” she asked softly. He felt a warm shot going to his groin. 

“Fuck,” he muttered. “Yes.” 

“You like that?” she asked him, and he nodded vigorously. There was something in her smile that told him she was filing that away for the future. He felt like he was so hard that he could carve diamonds, and the pressure of Liv’s leg against his erection was almost more than he could handle. 

Liv rocked against him, and he pressed his face against her shoulder. “I need to get this shirt off of you,” he whispered. “I need, I need to touch you.” He reached for the buttons of his dress shirt, the blue and white checkered one, and he realized that he’d never be able to look at it the same way. He’d never wear it again without thinking of this moment. 

“I’ve been waiting for this to happen,” Liv whispered. “I was hoping.” 

“You were?” he whispered as he reached the half way point down the line of buttons. He was pushing it off her shoulders when she spoke again. 

“Are you blind?” she whispered. “Rafa, what the hell do you think two nights ago was?” 

“I don’t know,” he said. She laughed, but he was too mesmerized by her bare chest to say anything more. She was so beautiful. His mouth was dry, and he didn’t feel like he could speak. He hesitantly reached up, hand resting against her rib cage as he kissed over the hollow of her neck and down to her breasts. 

Liv arched against him as he pulled a nipple into his mouth, and she was still stroking her fingers through his hair. He grabbed Liv’s hips, pulling back and gently shifting his weight to roll her onto the bed. He wanted to make her feel so good. He pulled her panties from her hips, checking her eyes before he leaned down, settling between her legs. She grabbed his hair as he licked her core. “Fuck,” she whispered. “Rafa, fuck.” 

He smirked up at her a little bit, but she just yanked on his hair slightly which ripped a groan from his chest. She was breathing heavily, but she loosened her hold on him, looking down. “Was that—Sorry.” 

“No, that was….it was fine,” he whispered, feeling his cheeks heating up. She dragged him back against her, and he closed his lips around herc clit, making her eyes flutter shut. Rafael watched her face as she jerked against his mouth slightly, her thighs tightening and her back arching. Liv wasn’t shy about pulling his hair, and he was rocking his hips against the bed slightly. 

“Fingers,” Liv said, and he complied, slipping two inside of her under his chin. He was relentless, and Liv was moaning softly, her body starting to shake, and she came apart against him when he crooked his fingers. He had to reach down with his free hand and give himself a squeeze so he wouldn’t come in his pants. Liv finally released his hair, brushing it back softly as he came up to kiss her again. “You are way too good at that,” Liv said. 

“I’m not going to last long,” he whispered. 

“It’s okay,” she promised. “Let me be on top.” He nodded. 

Liv pushed him down on his back, yanking his shorts and boxer briefs down. He blushed heavily as she looked him over, shuddering when she closed her hand around his erection, stroking him a few times before she straddled him once more. He was leaning back against the pillows when she reached back, steadying him as she sank down around him. He gasped, hand splayed over her hip. Liv rested one hand on his shoulder, leaning in to kiss him as she levered her hips up, rocking against him and riding him. He was having trouble forming coherent thoughts. She was so wet and hot, and he thought that nothing had ever felt better, especially after all the time he’d spent thinking about it. He’d been thinking about her almost constantly because of their little charade. 

He’d been stuck in limbo, wanting her, but it had been fake then. It had been out of his reach. Now, she was in his lap, kissing him; her tongue was in his mouth as she ground her hips against his desperately. He could barely breathe as he tried to keep up with each press of her lips. His hand was curled around her ribs, clutching tight like his life depended on it, the other resting over her breast, and she was petting his hair as she leaned her forehead against his. 

He was already so close. He jerked, stomach tightening as he arched up to meet her movements. His heels were digging into the bed, his head falling back against the pillows a little bit and Liv kissed his neck. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Jesus, Liv--I-I can’t--” 

“I know, baby, I know,” she whispered. “It’s okay, come. It’s okay.” He jerked fitfully, his eyes fluttering shut as she kissed him one last time. Liv just kept stroking his hair, and when he finally managed to move again, he looked at her. 

“Do you want to come again?” he asked softly. “I don’t want to leave you hanging.” 

“Another time,” she whispered. “I just want to stay here, like this--well not exactly like this.” She shifted around to get more comfortable, and he opened up his arms for her. She rested her head against his chest, and he focused on trying to calm his breathing. As he came down, he stroked his fingers over Liv’s damp skin. He ran his finger tips down her back and over her hip. “I love you,” she whispered. 

“I love you too,” He said back. “I’ve always loved you.” 

“This is comfy,” Liv said, and he nodded, leaning down and kissing her hair. He felt more whole than he had in awhile. Everything had been weighing on him so heavily recently, but now, he was finally feeling calmer--more relaxed. Everything felt more right than he’d ever thought was possible. 

There was no need for words for a long while. They laid together, Rafael on his back, arm wrapped around Liv’s waist, his lips pressed against her hair, and her cheek was pillowed against his chest, hand resting over his sternum, feeling the steady beating of his heart. Her left leg was hooked over his. 

Finally, Liv rubbed her hand over his chest before lifting her head to look down at him. “Rafa,” she said softly. “We should probably talk.” 

“Okay,” he whispered. Rafael couldn’t help but feel a little scared. He knew that she had said she loved him, but he was scared that she was rethinking. He knew it was stupid. 

“Don’t worry,” she whispered, reaching for his hand. “I hope that everything that happened this week was okay with you.” 

“I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy for me,” Rafael said. 

“Yeah, you seemed pretty upset after we saw Haden and after yesterday,” Liv said softly. Rafael was ashamed that he had been so jealous of David Haden. 

“I was jealous,” he said after a few seconds, admitting the sin. He couldn’t keep it from Liv. “I wondered what he had that I didn’t. Liv, I’ve felt the way I do for awhile now. I just didn’t think you felt the same.” 

“How?” Liv asked. 

“How what?” he replied, frowning. 

“How didn’t you see it?” Liv clarified. “Oh, Rafa, you’re such a moron sometimes.” He let out a surprised little laugh. “Didn’t you see me looking right back at you, Rafael?” 

“Every time I ever saw you look at me, I thought I was imagining anything more than our friendship,” Rafael said. 

“What about two nights ago? I kissed you; we were undressing each other when Noah called,” Liv said. 

“I don’t know,” Rafael said. “Everything felt so jumbled. I just knew that I loved you more than anything in the whole world. I didn’t think there was any way that you felt the same. You looked….you looked so beautiful, and I was trying to stop thinking about…..” 

“You’re a moron,” she said again. “But I guess, you’re my moron now.” 

“I think I can live with that,” he whispered. Liv cupped his cheeks, leaning down to kiss him a few times. 

After a few moments though, she pulled back, reaching beside the bed for his shirt again, and he frowned as she slipped it on. He brushed some of her hair back. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered. “All of you.” He could see the discomfort in her face. He knew the scars bothered her, and he didn’t want to push it too far. He sat up, turning slightly so she could see the nasty line on his shoulder. “My dad carved this into my back,” he said. “When I was 11. You don’t have to tell me anything, but I have scars too.” 

“Thank you,” Liv whispered. He settled on the bed, and Liv curled up against him, and nothing had ever felt so right in his whole life. He stroked his fingers through her hair, content to relish in the close contact. “We can make this work,” she said softly. 

“We can,” he agreed softly. 

“We have to catch a plane in a couple of hours,” Liv whispered. 

“We do,” Rafael said. Liv laughed a little bit at his sleepy voice. 

“Take a nap,” she said. “I’m going to grab a shower.” 

“No, don’t leave,” he murmured, kissing over her hair again. 

“You can come with,” she offered. He smiled a little bit.

“Five more minutes,” he whispered, and she nodded, laying her head back down against his chest.

  
  



	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the epilogue. Hope you guys enjoy the ending! Thanks for reading!

Rafael was holding Liv’s hand on the plane. They hadn’t completely figured everything out yet, but he was content with knowing she loved him. It was much more than he’d ever expected. Liv had her head leaned against his shoulder, and he moved his arm around her instead, fingers brushing up and down her bicep. He turned and kissed her hair, relishing in how natural it felt. They weren’t faking anymore. They weren’t pretending. This was real. 

“I love you, you know,” Liv whispered, and he couldn’t help but smile. 

“I love you too,” he whispered. “And we make a pretty kick ass fake couple.” 

“I think we make a kick ass real couple,” Liv said. He squeezed her closer. 

“We might not be able to work together anymore,” Rafael said. 

“I know,” Liv whispered. “We’ll deal with that when it comes.” 

“I don’t want you to worry,” he said after a couple of minutes. “I’m going to look into other jobs. I’ve always wanted to teach.” 

“Or be a judge,” she whispered, and he smiled. 

“Maybe,” he agreed. “Whatever happens, you’re what’s most important to me. You and Noah.” 

“He’s going to be so excited to get his present,” Liv said. 

“I hope he likes it,” Rafael whispered. 

“He’s going to love it. Especially since it’s from you,” Liv told him, nuzzling her face against his neck a little bit. He knew they were being disgustingly touchy feely in public, but he couldn’t help himself. He felt like a teenager who was completely consumed by his feelings. 

“Why don’t you two come over later this week. I’ll make dinner,” Rafael said softly. 

“We can talk about a time to tell Noah. We can take it slow,” Liv offered. Rafael nodded, squeezing her close. He didn’t care what they did. As long as Liv was by his side, he felt invincible. 

…………………………….

Liv was laying on the couch, her feet settled in his lap. They’d spent the evening together after work while Noah was at a sleep over, and it had been relaxed and fun, and Rafael felt like he was sneaking around. There was a level of excitement that came with the sneaking. 

His favorite part of their date was settling on the couch with her. He loved holding her in his arms and kissing her until she couldn’t see straight. He loved feeling the way she touched his arm casually, but knowing that it wasn’t just friendly. He loved the way she looked at him, the sound of her laugh when he managed to say something funny. He wanted to hear her laugh for the rest of his life. 

It was like a punch to the gut when he thought about just how much he actually did love her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life by her side. He wanted to grow old next to her, but he wasn’t sure how to express that. He didn’t want to freak her out. They’d barely dated, and he wasn’t sure that Liv was ready. He was scared to ruin everything. 

He told himself that he could wait. He told himself that he didn’t need to be married to her to be happy, but the thing was, he wanted to be married to Liv. He wanted to call her his wife. He wanted to look at a ring on her finger and know that he put it there. He ran his hand over her ankle, just touching gently and feeling. “Hey,” she said softly, and he looked down the couch, smiling at her. 

“Hey,” he said back. 

“You okay?” Liv asked. He nodded. “You wanna go get some dinner. I’m starving.” 

“Where are you taking me?” he teased.

“Forlini’s. Let’s go,” Liv said, standing up. 

“I’m smelly,” he argued. 

“Then change your clothes. I wanna eat though,” Liv said. Rafael sighed. He had thought they were staying in for the night, but apparently, Liv had different plans. 

“I’m going to hop in your shower really quick,” Rafael said, leaning over to kiss her before he got up. 

“Good thing I cleared out a drawer for you,” Liv said softly, and he hummed his agreement against her lips. He hadn’t stayed over yet, but it was nice to have some extra clothes around in case. They needed to talk to Noah first, but they were still trying to figure out how they were going to do that. 

Rafael was scared that Noah would be upset. Liv seemed less concerned, but she was being understanding with him. Liv kissed him one more time before she shooed him off to the shower with instructions to hurry up. 

He cleaned up and dressed himself in some nice jeans and a polo. Liv was waiting for him, and he thought she looked really pretty. She wasn’t really dressed up, but there was this sense of specialness. He got to see her in jeans and sneakers. She took his hand, and they caught a cab outside. Liv was sitting really close to him, so he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, shutting his eyes and leaning his head down against hers. 

Forlini’s was crowded when they got there, and Rafael wasn’t sure how long they were going to be waiting, but somehow, their table was open. He glanced at Liv, and she smiled back at him. He sat down at the table, settling in, and he could feel Liv’s eyes on him. Something felt strange about the way she was acting, but he couldn’t figure out what was going on. He ordered his regular scotch, and Liv ordered wine, and he told himself that it was nothing. 

They talked softly throughout dinner, and Rafael couldn’t stop smiling. “What are you smiling about?” Liv asked as she collected the last bite of their piece of cake onto her fork. 

“I’m smiling because I’m the luckiest man in the whole world,” he whispered. She smiled at him, holding up the fork. 

“You want the last bite?” she asked. 

“Not if you want it,” he said. 

“I’m good,” Liv said. He hesitated, but in the end, he let her feed him the last piece of cake. Liv insisted on paying the bill, and he took her hand, walking out onto the street. Liv took him over to the courthouse, and he looked at her curiously. “You know,” she said softly, “This is where we first met.” 

“Yeah,” Rafael said softly. “I said that horrible thing to Harris about bring your daughters to work day.” He cringed slightly. 

“You still remember that?” Liv asked. 

“It haunts my dreams. I don’t know what I was thinking,” Rafael said. Liv smiled a little bit. 

“It’s okay,” she teased, bumping his shoulder. “I whipped you into shape.” 

“That you did,” Rafael said. 

“My feminist icon,” Liv whispered, pulling him close for a kiss. “You mind if I exercise a little bit more feminism tonight?” 

“Be my guest,” Rafael murmured, smiling. Liv looked at him for a second, and then, she was down on one knee, a ring box in hand, and Rafael felt frozen. 

“I was thinking,” Liv said softly. “We’ve been dancing around this so long, and I had such a great time being fake fiances. I think I really do want to get married. Think we could make that happen?” 

He felt tears filling his eyes, and his throat was stinging. All he could do was nod, and Liv smiled, standing up and slipping the ring onto his finger. He kissed her, tears dripping from his eyes. “I would love to get married to you,” he whispered. 

“I know we haven’t really been officially dating for long, but I know that you’re my endgame, and I want to marry you eventually, even if we have a long engagement,” Liv said softly. He nodded, pulling her close and pressing his face against her neck. She stroked her fingers through his hair. “I love you so much.” 

“I love you too,” Rafael whispered. “You’re the best thing in my life. You and Noah.” 

“What do you say we head home and celebrate?” Liv asked softly. He nodded. 

“I think that’s an excellent idea,” Rafael whispered. 

“You want a little feminism there too?” Liv whispered by his ear, and he let out a little groan. 

“Yes please,” he said, his voice deep with arousal. Liv smiled, taking his hand and leading him back toward the street to catch a cab. He couldn’t have been happier. 

………………………..

Liv was sitting in her office when Carisi knocked on the door. “Come in,” she said. 

“Mr. McCoy is here with some papers for you,” Sonny said. “Something about Barba.” Liv set her glasses down on the desk. 

“Send him in,” she said, frowning. She wasn’t entirely sure why McCoy was coming to her office. They were supposed to meet with him the next day. Carisi had this look on his face that made Liv grimace slightly. As soon as the detectives found out, she and Rafael were going to take so much shit. She knew it was going to happen, and she was willing to take it, but she wouldn’t have minded some extra time before she had to deal with the jokes from Rollins, Carisi, and Fin. 

Jack McCoy walked into her office, setting some papers down on her desk. “I hear you’re marrying my ADA,” he said matter-of-factly. Liv sat back in her chair. 

“Hello to you too, Mr. McCoy,” she said. 

“Don’t avoid my question Lieutenant,” McCoy said. 

“I didn’t hear a question,” Liv replied. “But yes, Rafael and I are planning on getting married.” 

“I took the liberty of drawing up the necessary paperwork. Mr. Barba has already signed,” Jack said. “I hope you understand that this means he’s going to be transferred immediately.” Liv hesitated. 

“Immediately?” she asked. 

“I can’t have any question of impropriety,” Jack said. 

“We have open cases,” Liv said. 

“And Mr. Barba can brief the new ADA on them. Perhaps he can stay on as co-counsel for currently open cases. We’ll work that out later. Please sign the papers. I have a meeting to get to,” McCoy said. 

Liv sighed, putting her glasses on. “I wish Rafael was here,” she said. “We were supposed to do this together.” 

“He signed it, so I’m sure it held up to his legal standards. It’s just a contract stating that you’re both entering this relationship consensually, and it frees us of any liability should there be a lawsuit,” McCoy said. Liv signed the papers after scanning them, and she walked to the door as McCoy left, wanting to talk to Rafael. McCoy was halfway across the room when he turned back toward her. “I’ll have your new ADA here by the end of the week.” 

She suddenly felt the eyes of all her detectives glued to her, and she had a pounding headache. She reached for her phone, itching to call Rafael and make him face the firing squad as well. She had three missed messages from him, so he’d at least tried to warn her of McCoy’s visit. “Lieu, what does he mean  _ new  _ ADA?” Sonny asked. “Barba isn’t going anywhere, right?” 

Rollins was also staring at her, and she felt Fin’s gaze as well, but she figured he’d be more worried about her if she told them the truth. Rafael chose that moment to burst into the squad room. “Hey,” he said, walking straight to her. “Sorry, I was trying to get ahold of you. That asshole ambushed me in my office right before a meeting, so I couldn’t come over here. I think he just wants to get some sort of sick revenge on us to something.” 

“Barba, why are we getting a new ADA?” Carisi asked, and Rafael looked to Liv with wide eyes. 

“Oh,” he said, and Liv nodded. Rafael took a breath, and he turned to face them as well. He reached for Liv’s hand. 

“Um,” Liv said. “We’re getting married.” Carisi and Rollins stared at them for a second. 

“Wait,” Fin said. “Did I miss something? I mean, I knew you two had the hots for each other, but when the hell did this happen?” Before Liv could answer, Carisi turned to Rollins. 

“You owe me fifty bucks,” he said. Rollins glared. 

“Wait, you guys bet on this?” Rafael asked. Carisi shrugged. 

“Can we see the ring?” Rollins asked. 

“When did this happen?” Carisi asked. Rafael snorted when they looked toward Liv’s hand. 

“Sure,” he said, “You can see my ring.” He pulled his necklace out of his shirt. He was keeping the ring there until they were all squared away and could go public. It was beside his grandmother’s ring which sat next to his crucifix. Rollins and Carisi inspected the ring. 

“So, really,” Fin said. “What happened?” 

“Oh, it’s a long story,” Liv said. “Let’s just say we had a busy weekend at the conference.” 

“This all happened at the conference?” Sonny asked. 

“Pretty much,” Rafael said. “It was about time though.” 

“Maybe we can fill you all in later about exactly what happened,” Liv said. “But as of tomorrow, Rafael is no longer SVU’s ADA.” The room went quiet then. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Rafael said. “I’ll still be around. You all will be fine without me.” 

“Like hell we will,” Rollins said. “Congrats though, to both of you.” 

“Thanks,” Liv said. “We’re really happy. Now, if you all don’t mind, we’re going to go have lunch.” They didn’t give the others a chance to respond, and Rafael squeezed Liv’s hand as they walked out the door. 

“Forlini’s?” he asked, and Liv nodded, stepping even closer into his space so that he’d have to wrap his arm around her. 

“Sounds perfect,” she said. 

…………………………………………………

Rafael was sitting on the couch with Noah while Liv poured them both drinks. They were watching cartoons when Liv handed him his scotch, and he smiled at her. “I’m just going to do the dishes,” she said, but he shook his head, standing up. 

“You made dinner,” he whispered. “Let me do the dishes, and you sit down and relax with your son.” Liv looked at him for a second, a smile spreading across her face. 

“I knew I picked a keeper,” she whispered. Rafael smiled back, moving around to the other side of the couch to press his lips against hers. She didn’t seem to want to let him go, but they hadn’t exactly told Noah yet, so he pulled away with one last kiss before he headed to the kitchen to clean up the dishes from dinner. He couldn’t stop smiling. 

Once things were cleaned up, Liv and Rafael were planning on giving Noah his gift. Rafael had it sitting by the door. “Noah,” Liv said, catching Rafael’s eye. “Uncle Rafa and I brought you a present.” 

“Yay!” Noah yelled, standing up. Rafael grabbed the little box, handing it to Noah. “What’s this?” 

“It’s a model ship,” Rafael said. “We got it at the boardwalk. We can build it. It looks just like a real ship that’s docked in LA.” 

“Wow,” Noah said, his eyes going big, and Rafael couldn’t help but smile. 

That was how they ended up seated at the table, trying to put the boat together. Rafael was trying to read the directions while Liv and Noah had already started putting the pieces together, and they were all laughing and talking softly. Noah was grinning at him, and Rafael had never felt better. 

He was putting two pieces together when Liv said something that practically made his heart stop. “Noah, honey, Uncle Rafa and I have something to tell you.” He had thought they were going to wait and take this easy. He didn’t want to freak Noah out. Rafael looked at Liv with panic in his eyes, but she took his hand. Noah was looking at both of them with big eyes. “What would you think about Uncle Rafa coming to live with us?” 

“Why would he do that?” Noah asked, looking confused, and Rafael’s heart felt like it was slamming out of his chest. He felt like he was choking on air. 

“Honey, I love Uncle Rafa,” Liv said. “We’re going to get married.” 

“Really?” Noah asked, and Rafael was sure his ears were playing tricks on him. Noah sounded excited. He ran over, giving Rafael a huge hug, and the older man dropped the piece he’d been working on. He squeezed Noah tight to him, tears in his eyes. 

“You’re okay with that?” Rafael asked. 

“Are you kidding?” Noah asked, “Can I be in the wedding?” 

“Of course you can,” Rafael said. Noah looked from Liv back to Rafael, and suddenly he felt nervous again. 

“Mom?” Noah asked. 

“Yes, sweet boy?” Liv asked. 

“So that means that Uncle Rafa will be like my dad right?” Noah asked. 

“Yes, if that’s alright with you,” Liv replied. 

“So….he’s also in charge of me?” Noah asked. Rafael glanced at Liv. Her eyes were narrowed. 

“Yes,” she finally said, slowly. Noah turned to Rafael. 

“Can we get a puppy? Pleeeeaaasee,” Noah asked, and Rafael laughed, seeing Liv press the heel of her hand against her forehead. He knew Liv had been telling Noah no to a puppy for weeks. 

Noah was looking at him with big, pleading eyes, and Rafael turned to Liv. “Can we please get a puppy?” He asked, and Noah laughed, joining in. Rafael gave Liv his best puppy dog eyes, and she glared at him. He was certain she was going to stab him later for this. 

“Pleeease, Mama?” Noah asked. 

“Yeah, please, Mom,” Rafael said, and Liv cracked a little smile. 

“Maybe a cat,” she finally relented, and Noah cheered, giving Rafael a high five. He couldn’t stop smiling. This was his family now. 

  
  



End file.
